Enter the Madkat

Written by Glenn Leopold.

TV Announcer> And now, from the heart of Megakat City, here’s every kat’s favorite late-night comedian, David Litterbin!

Ringtail> Noooo! Stop!

Litterbin> Thank you, Fuzzy. Nice jacket. If it got any louder I’d go deaf!

Ringtail> I can’t stand it! I should’ve been the King of Late Night! [grunts]

Guard> Oh gimme a break, Ringtail. I know you wanted Litterbin’s job, but there’s just one differance between you two. He’s wild and crazy, and you’re just crazy. [laughs]

Ringtail> Crazy?! I was a number one comedian! I cracked everyone up!

Guard> Oh yeah, ’till you cracked up. [laughs] Now pipe down!

Litterbin> Stupid kat trick number one!

Guard> Now are you happy, Ringtail? TV’s off! Ringtail? [gasps] It can’t be!

Ringtail> Heeeere’s Ringtail!

Old Lady> Well it’s about time! I’m gettin’ liver spots out here! I’m gonna complain to the Megakat Auto Club! You shoulda been here an hour ago!

Jake> Uh, we got here as soon as we could ma’am.

Chance> Sounds like your battery’s dead.

Jake> No problem, we’ll charge it right up for ya.

Chance> Supercharge it right up!

Jake> Chance. Now try it, ma’am.

Old Lady> Whoa!

Chance> Hey, she didn’t even thank us!

Jake> Yeah, she’s probably home by now. Which is where we should be. I’m gonna miss Litterbin!

Chance> Eh don’t worry, Jake. I know a shortcut.

Jake> Aw, Cha-a-a-ance!

Enforcer Dispatch> Be on the lookout for Lenny Ringtail, escaped lunatic. Ringtail is extremely dangerous. Approach with caution.

Enforcer> Hey, I thought I saw somethin’! Back it up! Eh, nothin’, keep goin’.

Ringtail> [chuckles] Look at all this junk. Hey, this kat-in-the-box kinda looks like me.

Shopkeeper> Hey! Hey, how’d you get in here? We’re closed!

Ringtail> The door was open! What’s this?

Shopkeeper> Antique, but not for sale! Plenty of other curios to choose from!

Ringtail> But not ones with my face! Tell me more about it.

Shopkeeper> [scoffs] Belonged to ancient jester named Madkat. He went crazy when other jester took his place.

Ringtail> I can relate to that. [chuckles]

Shopkeeper> Madkat was locked in a dungeon, but he vowed revenge against the jester who took his place. And the king, queen, and knight who imprisoned him.

Ringtail> Oooh! I’ve just got to have this thing!

Shopkeeper> Hey! I told you! It’s not for sale! Hey, are you crazy?!

Ringtail> Something like that! [cackles] You’re alive! I MUST be crazy!

Kat-In-The-Box> Oh you certainly are! And so was I. I guess madness just brings out the best in us! [chuckles] Come join me, Ringtail, and Madkat will live again! For revenge against ALL our enemies!

Madkat> Time to take center stage! [laughs]

Litterbin> Now here’s one of the stupidest letters I’ve recieved in quite some time. “Dear David, fess up. Aren’t you one of the SWAT Kats?” Please. I hate flying! I’m so scared if heights I need a barf bag just to get into an elevator!

Jake> [laughs] Oh this guy really cracks me up!

Chance> Hey, easy buddy. Don’t cough up a hairball.

Feral> Hmm. Maybe Litterbin thinks the SWAT Kats are a laughing matter, but I don’t.

Litterbin> Let’s have another stupid letter, Fuzzy.

Fuzzy> Huh?

Litterbin> So who is this character? I don’t remember YOU on our guest list. Is this one of your surprises, Fuzzy? Looks like you have the same tailor.

Madkat> Very funny. You’re the jester who took my place! I’ve been waiting years for this moment!

Jake> [laughs] Did you see that?

Chance> Yeah, it’s not as funny as a Scaredy-Kat ‘toon.

Madkat> Hiya, folks! I’m Lenny Ringtail! But you can call me Madkat! [laughs]

Jake> Isn’t Lenny Ringtail the crazy comedian who escaped from the loony bin tonight?

Feral> Kat’s alive! Ringtail’s announcing his whereabouts on TV! He’s even crazier than I thought!

Litterbin> Fun’s over, pal. Get him outta here!

Madkat> But why? We’re having such a ball! Right folks?

Feral> I want choppers at Megakat Broadcasting Company on the double! And pick me up on the way!

Madkat> But where are ya going, folks? The show’s just beginning!

Chance> Think Feral’s gonna be able to handle that crazy kat?

Jake> No way! But the SWAT Kats can!

Madkat> Remember that joke you made about being scared of heights, Litterbin? Well, was it true? Inquiring viewers want to know! [laughs]

Ann> This is Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News. Megakat Broadcasting’s highest-paid entertainer, David Litterbin, is being held hostage by a crazy kat!

Feral> This is Commander Feral! Let him go, Ringtail!

Madkat> I prefer “Madkat,” Commander, but you can call me anything, just don’t call me often! [laughs]

Feral> I’m warning you, “Madkat,” put him down!

Madkat> Sure, Commander! Waaaay down!

Razor> Grappling hook deployed!

Litterbin> Huh?! [sighs] Whoa!

Madkat> Well excuse me! Upstaged by the SWAT Kats!

Feral> Get the nets on him!

Madkat> Sorry guys, it’s just not in the cards! As for you, Litterbin, you’re cancelled!

T-Bone> Huh?!

Madkat> So much for the jester!

Litterbin> Help!

Madkat> So, I’ll collect the king, queen, and knight, and then my revenge will be complete! [chuckles]

Razor> Gotcha! Aww, not again! Aw, crud!

T-Bone> Yeah, somehow I don’t think Feral’s gonna believe it was an accident.

Madkat> Oooh, you guys are in big trouble now!

T-Bone> Why you little-!

Razor> How’d you miss him, hotshot?

T-Bone> Very funny.

Callie> [gasps] SWAT Kats!

T-Bone> Sorry, Miss Briggs. That crazy Madkat almost made us crack up.

Callie> But what does he want?

Razor> I dunno, Miss Briggs, but he won’t wanna meet up with us again!

T-Bone> Yeah, ’cause next time we’re gonna play hardball!

Madkat> Oooh, I’m so scared! [laughs]

Ann> Even as we speak, Megakat Broadcasting executives are scrambling to find a replacement for David Litterbin. In the meantime, several guest hosts have been named.

Chance> Yeah, they should just show Scaredy Kat ‘toons late at night.

Jake> Well that’s fine for you, Chance, but some kats have higher standards of humor, y’know. We’ve gotta get Litterbin back from that lunatic Madkat!

Madkat> No need for a replacement, Annie! I can provide all the entertainment Megakat City needs!

Ann> Madkat, w-where have you taken David Litterbin?

Madkat> Well, he’s not on the tube, Annie, but he IS on the box!

Litterbin> Help!

Madkat> Now I have the jester, but my revenge won’t be complete without the king, queen, and knight. And now, I’m off to catch the king!

Ann> He’s completely crazy. Megakat City has no king. [gasps] Just a mayor!

Chance and Jake> Mayor Manx!

Callie> Mayor Manx?!

Manx> Ah, nothin’ like a quiet round of golf! No distractions. No phone calls. No one to tell you to fill in your divets!

T-Bone> Yes, Miss Briggs?

Callie> Madkat is going after Mayor Manx and I can’t get through to him!

T-Bone> We’re on our way!

Razor> Where is the Mayor?

Callie> Where else? The golf course. I’ve alerted Commander Feral, but I’d feel alot better knowing you guys were there.

T-Bone> Roger that, Miss Briggs.

Shopkeeper> Commander! I want to report a robbery!

Feral> Inside. Ask for Lieutenant Steele.

Shopkeeper> But it’s very important!

Manx> Ahh. Oh, yes!

Madkat> Nice shot, king! How ’bout trying it again, for higher stakes? Like your kingdom?

Manx> N-now keep your distance!

Madkat> Oooh, I’m so scared. Now, shoot!

Manx> Anything you say!

Madkat> Bravo! But I still win.

Manx> But why?!

Madkat> Because my ball is bigger!

Feral> Better get in, Mayor! Fast!

Madkat> So, the knight tries to save his king! But Madkat will imprison you both! [cackles]

T-Bone> Looks like Feral’s really on the ball today!

Razor> Time to show Madkat our claws! Bingo!

T-Bone> Rest in pieces, Madkat!

Razor> [chuckles] Bring us around, buddy. I wanna make sure we finished the job.

Madkat> I’m a tough act to get off the stage! [laughs]

Manx> Feral, I’m getting out of here!

Madkat> Join the jester, king!

Manx> Help me!

T-Bone> Crud, looks like Madkat bounced back!

Madkat> And now to capture the knight!

Feral> Come and get me, your crazy sicko!

Madkat> (he says something before this, too, but I can’t quite make it out.) It’ll be my pleasure! Just le me get a set a’ wheels! [laughs]

Feral> Huh?!

Razor> Launch Cyclotron!

T-Bone> Razor, you got ‘im?

Razor> About to clip his tail! Aw, crud!

Madkat> This should be good for a laugh!

Razor> Huh? Where’d he go? T-Bone, I lost him! You see him?

T-Bone> Negative.

Madkat> [chuckles] I’m closer than you think! Time to try out my Madkat Missiles!

T-Bone> Razor! Madkat’s up here! But not for long! Heads up, Madkat!

Madkat> Wooo!

Razor> Good going, T-Bone! Lucky Madkat doesn’t know about Ejektor seats!

Madkat> Nice try, SWAT Kats, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve, too! Mind if I cut in? [laughs] Welcome to your new home, knight! Now only the queen remains. So you want some yo-yo action, too? [laughs] I like this game! Why don’t we see if you can save the queen?

T-Bone> Crud! What is he talkin’ about, Razor? Who’s the queen?

Razor> Well if Feral was the knight, and Manx was the king, then the queen must be-

Callie> SWAT Kats, come in! What’s happening?

T-Bone> Madkat three, SWAT Kats nothin’. He’s got Litterbin, Manx, and Feral! Not to mention Razor’s seat.

Razor> And unless I missed my guess, you’re next Miss Briggs.

T-Bone> Razor’s right. But don’t worry. We’ll protect you.

Callie> I’m more concerned about the citizens of Megakat City. With Commander Feral gone-

Steele> I guess that leaves me in charge of the Enforcers, Deputy Mayor.

Callie> Well just what do you intend to do about Madkat, Lieutenant Steele?

Steele> If that crazy fool shows his face again, he’ll be arrested!

T-Bone> Good luck.

Steele> What are these two doing here-

T-Bone> We’re Miss Briggs’ bodyguards.

Razor> Sorry we’re late. I, uh, had to get my seat put back in.

Sergeant> Lieutenant! When are you going to see that kat who got robbed? He’s been waiting all day.

Steele> Tell him to fill out a form!

Shopkeeper> You’re the SWAT Kats! You can get my kat-in-the-box back! That crazy kat has set Madkat free!

Razor> Madkat? Do you know how to stop him?

Shopkeeper> Legend says jester’s power is in his fool’s cap. Destroy it, and-

Steele> This kat is obviously a crank!

Callie> You have any better ideas, Lieutenant?

Madkat> The queen is mine! [cackles]

T-Bone> To the roof!

Callie> Let me go!

Madkat> You’re going to join the king! [laughs] You lose! You didn’t save the queen!

T-Bone> NOOOO!!!

Madkat> That wasn’t funny!

Razor> T-Bone! His weak spot IS his cap! Two down, one to go! Huh? Where’d he go?

T-Bone> Razor! We gotta eject!

Razor> Roger that! [yelps] What the?!

Madkat> Mmm, tasty!

T-Bone> Razor! [growls] Hope ya choke on a hairball!

Madkat> Ladies and gentlekats, then there was one! But I’m game! Why don’t we let a little roll of the dice decide who wins this fight?

T-Bone> Why don’t we let a little laser decide?

Madkat> Noooooo!!!

T-Bone> You lose, Madkat.

Feral> Looks like the game is over, Ringtail.

Ringtail> I’d be crazy to give this up!

T-Bone> What’s this? We’re seperated for one minute and already you’ve got a new partner?

Steele> Commander! The SWAT Kats have practically destroyed headquarters! You two are gonna pay for this!

Feral> Button it, Steele! They also saved my life. Not that you care.

Callie> And my life! And I do.

Manx> Don’t you worry, Feral. I’ll just raise taxes to rebuild your building, and your jet, of course, SWAT Kats.

Litterbin> Kats alive! I’ve got a show to tape! And no guest star, unless… My audience must think I’m crazy to have you on the show.

Ringtail> Hey, you’d be crazy not to! After all, I’ll soon be writing a book called “Madkat and Me!”

Chance> I can’t believe it. That loony Ringtail is gonna make millions.

Jake> Yeah, he’s crazy. Like a fox. Hey! What’re you doing?!

Chance> Hey what do you think? I’m watchin’ Scaredy-Kat. Now THIS is funny! [laughs]