Swytch’s Autobigoraphy

A Demon’s Journey, A Mortal’s Heck

Written by Swytch

Edited by B. L. Zebub

Published by Houghton Villain CompanyChapter 1. – My Beginnings, My Deal

The book opens with Swytch’s beginnings as a mortal named Elizabeth, the daughter of a knight named Cunningham, who was born with strange ability of controlling fire. Talks about how her peers didn’t accept her, her unrequited love for a tom, her failed magic attempts at winning him, the deal she made with a demon for more powers, the discovery of said deal and powers by the villagers, and her death by drowning as a witch. (More of this can be found here in Swytch’s Live Journal.)

Chapter 2. – Realm of Fire

Her first time into the realm of fire after her death as she was transformed into a demon by the one she made the deal with. Said demon later rises to become the Lord of Fire in the Realm and she his servant. Discusses the Realm of Fire and most of what’s within it.

Chapter 3. – Soul Collector

Talks about her first few centuries of being a demon where she at first just outright led mortals away to her and forcibly took their souls. Later rules had been established for this sort of thing between the Lord of Fire and the just founder of the newly formed Magic Council (which is also breifly discussed) to bring about balance in both realms. Demons had to barter for souls from willing mortals which contain more power anyway.

Chapter 4. – Days of Megalith

Swytch writes a less than flattering account of Megalith City and its most famous queen Callista. Things are not historically accurate, but Swytch doesn’t care as she loathes the city for its prosperity after what those generations before had done to her. She makes the Pastmaster appear to be a poor soul who managed to win Callista’s heart (with a ton of fine stinky cheese) but they weren’t married as Callista had died first (by a chicken bone lodged in her throat from a chicken and cheese sandwich) and that’s why the “little troll” is so angry. Of course we all know better.

Chapter 5. – In and Out of the Realm of Fire

Talks about her stints served when a mortal kat managed to banish her to the Realm of Fire. This happened several times throughout Swytch’s history and inevitably she would escape after a certain amount of time when she had the power or when someone summoned her forth from the mortal realm. A few of these were on the Magic Council.

Chapter 6. – No One Loves You When You’re Evil

Dicusses the injustices of those accused of as witches and demons, that if mortals understood what they deem “evil”, perhaps everyone would get along better. Demons are out to help katkind after all by making their lives better. Sure there’s a price, but it is well worth it she claims. She blames mortals for why she became a demon and why she did all her known crimes to the public.

Chapter 7. – Dark Magic

Devoted to what is deemed as “dark magic” by mortals.

Chapter 8. – Light Magic

Devoted to what is deemed as “good magic” by mortals.

Chapter 9. – Magical Creature Feature

Swytch describes various magical creatures many of which still exist today. She also talks about how mortals can’t see or choose not to see them, and that many magical creatures keep hidden from mortals. Includes pixies, dragons, cyclops, wyverns, unicorns, etc.

Chapter 10. – Most Successful Mortals

This chapter talks about the more infamous kats who’s souls Swytch claims she bartered for in exchange for power, magic, fame, etc. who were quite successful. It includes Vlad the Impaler, Nostradamus and Rasputin.

Chapter 11. – Modern Era’s Fake Magic

Her opinion of modernday times, its inventions, breakthroughs and society. Magic is better and mortals lose sight of that with their so called science is her stance. She is impressed with the weaponry but misses the torturing devices of old.

Chapter 12. – Spun Around and Handed to the Lyons

This is about Swytch’s experience with Jack Spinner at the NSA. It goes into detail about the deal she made with him including the list and all around other incriminating information about the deceased Spinner. Also in the chapter is when she was captured by Spinner’s replacement Josalyn Lyons and her treatment there until she was released.

Chapter 13. – The Bureau Which Doesn’t Contain Socks

Basically about Swytch’s experiences at the MBI. Funnily enough, nothing incriminating seems to be written in here. She mostly talks about various agents and such. A bit more detail is in Janurary 26th, 2008’s evening log.

Epilogue

She gives her thanks to kindhearted understanding kats like Rupert Furdoch who has helped in giving her a second chance where others would not. Also thanks her many fans and assures them that they too can stand up and have what they want in life if they are willing to take it.

Note: While Swytch spills the beans about a lot of things, she is careful to leave many things out or exaggerate on what she does include.