The Latest
Contributed By

Written by Glenn Leopold


  • Chance Furlong/T-Bone – Charles Adler
  • Jake Clawson/Razor – Barry Gordon
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens
  • Felina Feral – Lori Alan
  • Ann Gora – Candi Milo
  • Jonny – Mark Hamill
  • Tiger Conklin – Ed Gilbert


Taylor> I’m tellin’ ya, Mr. Conklin, we’re not goin’ back down there!

Conklin> I pay you to mine agracite, Taylor! Now get back down there and dig, or pack up your stuff and get outta here! And that goes for the rest of you, too!

Miner 1> Eh, this place is cursed!

Miner 2> We’re not goin’ back down there!

Miner 3> No way I’m goin’ back!

Conklin> The Enforcers? Who called them?!

Taylor> I did!

Conklin> Tiger Conklin, president of Megakat Metallurgical Company.

Felina> Lieutenant Felina Feral. I’ve been informed about problems in the mine, Mr. Conklin.

Conklin> Aw, nothin’ serious, Lieutenant. Nothin’ the company can’t handle.

Taylor> Five miners have vanished down there in the last month. You don’t call that serious?

Felina> That’s why the Enforcers are here! We’re prepared for anything we might find down there.

Ann> And if they find anything, Kat’s Eye News will be there to cover it! Are you reading me, Jonny?

Jonny> Loud and clear.

Ann> What about the picture?

Jonny> Crystal. Ann, what if you get caught sneakin’ around down there?

Ann> Hey, you can’t break a story without breaking a few rules. Gotta go.

Conklin> Glad you Enforcers could come here to reassure my men, and get ‘em back to work. Every hour they’re not digging agracite costs my company millions! And you’ll see! [chuckles] The tunnels, they’re perfectly safe. They’ve been checked and double checked. My company runs a clean operation!

Felina> How did the miners disappear?

Taylor> One by one. Each working alone, seperated from the rest of the crew. When we got back to the lift, we discovered they were gone! Without a trace.

Felina> Show me. Stick together, everybody.

Ann> Ready with the live feed, Jonny?

Jonny> You’re on the air, Annie.

Ann> This is Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News, coming to you live from the agracite mines of Megakat Metallurgical Company, where five miners have mysterious disappeared. In these tunnels ninety-five percent of the world’s supply of agracited is mined. Agracite, the precious mineral that’s used to make super-strong metallic megalloys.

Chance> My momma musta put agracite in my cereal when I was a kitten, Jake. Yah! That’s why I’m so strong.

Jake> Yeah well I’ll see your three, and raise you two! Hee-yah!

Chance> Okay buddy, I’ll see your two and raise you three.

Jake> Hey, easy pal. Don’t throw your tail out of alignment.

Chance> Hee-yah! Huh?

Jake> Guess your momma shoulda given you a little more agracite. Better luck next time, buddy. Huh?

Chance> Yes!

Ann> As I speak, Lieutenant Felina Feral and her Enforcer crew are searching these tunnels for clues. Clues to the mystery of the missing miners. [gasps, screams]

Felina> Who screamed? Are all the miners accounted for?

Enforcer Commando> One’s missing!

Felina> Crud!

Chance and Jake> Let’s hit it!

Felina> Just what I needed. The media.

Jonny> Annie? Is that you?

Felina> Lieutenant Felina Feral, Enforcers.

Jonny> It’s Lieutenant Feral. Lieutenant Feral! Somethin’ grabbed Annie! Sh-she can’t hear me!

Felina> The Enforcers will handle this. Start drilling there!

Taylor> Nothin’. Just solid rock.

Felina> She couldn’t just vanish into thin air!

Taylor> The others did! This mine is cursed!

Enforcer Commando> What the–?!

Felina> Wait! Hold your fire! We don’t want to cause a- Cave-in!

Miner 1> Run!

Miner 2> Watch out!

Taylor> It’s comin’ down! Get back to the lift before we get buried! Hurry! The main shaft’s collapsing! I dunno if the lift’ll hold!

Felina> The SWAT Kats!

Conklin> That shaft is totally collapsed! Aah! This is gonna cost me millions!

Jonny> Lieutenant! Where’s Ann? She’s not still down there?

Felina> Everything caved in before I could find her. I need that mine reopened! Now!

Conklin> It’ll take weeks for a team to dig that shaft out!

T-Bone> Maybe we can help!

Razor> Yeah, be right down! We’ll be able to tunnel in a little faster with the Turbo-Mole!

T-Bone> Looks like the gang’s all here.

Razor> Well, buddy, time’s a’wastin’!

Felina> What are you doing here, uncle?

Feral> I caught your little unscheduled TV appearance, Felina. Did you have to let a member of the press disappear in front of two million viewers?

Felina> Don’t worry, uncle. I’ll get her out!

Feral> Felina! No!

T-Bone> Didn’t I just hear your uncle tell you “no?”

Felina> I don’t take “no” for an answer!

Razor> Then you’d better buckle up, Lieutenant. We’re goin’ down!

Feral> Good luck.

T-Bone> I’ve been waitin’ to test this baby for ages!

Razor> How’s it handle?

T-Bone> Well you need to work on the shock-absorbers, buddy!

Felina> You mean you’ve never tried this thing before?!

Razor> Well, not on a real mission. But this is what it was designed for!

T-Bone> Yeah, it was either the Turbo-Mole or wait around for two weeks!

Felina> Hold it! This is where Ann Gora disappeared!

T-Bone> Roger. Shutting down mega-drill. Razor! It’s not responding! I can’t stop!

Razor> Crud! All that jolting must’ve loosened the wires!

T-Bone> [groans] And that jolt must’ve loosened my kidneys.

Felina> Good thing you remembered to put seat belts in this gopher-go cart.

T-Bone> Wow. Guess we’ve landed in agracite central.

Razor> We’re eight miles below the surface. Deeper than any kat’s gone before!

Felina> I’m afraid not. Look.

Razor> Helmets?

Felina> From the missing miners. Whatever dragged them down here probably did the same to Ann Gora.

T-Bone> Let’s check it out. This doesn’t look good, buddy.

Felina> Claw marks. [gasps] Aaahhh!

T-Bone and Razor> Lieutenant!

T-Bone> Deploy Turboblades! These things must be armor-plated!

Razor> Yeah must be all the agracite their mommas put in their cereal!

T-Bone> Jump!

Razor> Don’t look now, buddy, but there’s a big bug brigade on our tail!

T-Bone> Yeah, and I got a crazy idea that just might get ‘em off our backs!

Felina> Why are we slowing down?!

T-Bone> I told ya! It’s a crazy idea! Rock and roll!

Razor> Nice work, pal. Those mega-scorpions are nursing a mega-headache.

Felina> Now we know what grabbed the miners and Ann Gora. But she’d need more than nine lives to stand a chance against those things.

Ann> [groans] Still alive. That’s a good sign. But that isn’t. Jonny! Come in! Can you hear me? Uh-oh. If I don’t get my tail out of here before that thing gets back- [gasps] I’m going to be breakfast!

Razor> T-Bone, the kat-scanner’s pickin’ up something! That way! It’s gotta be Ann!

Felina> How do you know it’s not one of those bugs? Or a rat?

Razor> Bugs are coldblooded. The kat-scanner only picks up warmblooded creatures, and a rat would be too small to show up as a blip.

T-Bone> Nice goin’, pal. The scanner led us right into a quicksand pit!

Razor> Engage mega-thrusters!

T-Bone> Got any other ideas?

Razor> Activating Mega-Winch Missile!

Felina> I think I know what turns those tiny rock scorpions into into giant mutated monsters! This stuff isn’t quicksand! It’s a lake of toxic waste!

Razor> Don’t tell me Megakat Metallurgical’s been doing some illegal underground dumping.

Felina> Yeah. Conklin runs a clean operation, alright. When I get back up top, I’m gonna bust his tail!

Razor> Signal’s gettin’ stronger, T-Bone.

T-Bone> Yeah, I can hardly wait to see what’s at the end of THIS tunnel. Crud!

Razor> T-Bone, this bridge will never hold the Turbo-Mole!

T-Bone> Better stay here, Lieutenant.

Felina> I don’t take “no” for an answer, remember?

T-Bone> Now that you mention it, yeah.

Razor> Activate jetpacks! Not bad, buddy.

T-Bone> Yeah, practice makes perfect.

Felina> Now which way?

Razor> The mini-scanner says down there. Just around that corner.

T-Bone> Right. Ready to grab her and get our tails outta here?

Felina> Let’s do it! What the-?!

T-Bone> Nice goin’, Razor! We almost get ourselves shredded to rescue a bunch of sleepin’ bats?!

Razor> Well, the kat-scanner didn’t make a mistake. They WERE a big warmblooded object. Unfortunately, they weren’t Ann Gora.

Felina> But THAT is!

T-Bone> I can find this one on my own, buddy! Gotcha!

Razor> T-Bone, get these two back to the Turbo-Mole! I’ll cover your tail!

Felina> WE’LL cover your tails!

T-Bone and Razor> Lieutenant!

Felina> And I’m not taking “no” for an answer!

T-Bone> You are one stubborn she-kat!

Razor> The smoke arrows should give us some cover. Run! Eat lightening grenade!

T-Bone> Hang on! We’re gonna fly across!

Ann> Look out!

T-Bone> Here, catch! Razor! That long-necked creep’s got us!

Razor> Deploying mega-winch!

T-Bone> The mega-laser’s not stoppin’ that thing!

Razor> This is our last chance!

T-Bone> Nice work, pal. Think you can find a way outta here?

Razor> The onboard computer tracking system should be able to get us topside. Uh, if it’s still operational. Bingo!

T-Bone> Just don’t lead us to a buncha bats, buddy.

Feral> They’ve been gone too long. Can’t your crew dig any faster? Felina!

Jonny> Annie! It’s a miracle!

Ann> No, it’s the SWAT Kats. Give me a hand out of here. Now get your camera! Have I got a story for you!

Taylor> Any other survivors?

Felina> I’m afraid not. And you can blame your boss, Tiger Conklin! I believe he’s been illegally dumping toxic waste underground.

Conklin> [stammers] Nonsense! All our waste is taken outta the city for proper disposal!

Ann> What about these?

Conklin> Oh, that’s just oil for our drills.

Ann> Really? Then explain THIS!

Conklin> Uh, well, I, I…

Felina> You’re under arrest, Conklin!

Conklin> What?! Wha- Aahhhhhh!!

T-Bone> I thought we toasted that termite!

Razor> Look out!

T-Bone> Time to give this toxic shocker a taste of the Turbokat!

Razor> If he doesn’t get a taste of US first!

T-Bone> Razor, he’s gonna tear us apart!

Razor> Go to Speed of Heat! Now! Whoa! Huh, I figured that toxic crud was flammable. Guess it was kind of explosive, too.

T-Bone> Roger that, buddy.

Ann> Yes, today the SWAT Kats, with the help of Lieutenant Felina Feral, made the most dramatic rescue of their careers, and saved the career of one very grateful reporter. Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News.

Episode Transcripts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * // A constant work in-progress 1999 - 2023 // SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron was created by Christian and Yvon Tremblay for Hanna-Barbera Cartoons Inc.

Receive updates and announcement on Twitter and help share SWAT Kats with your friends on Facebook by “Liking Us.”