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Transcript by Kooshmeister.

Cast:

  • T-Bone/Chance Furlong – Charles Adler
  • Razor/Jake Clawson – Barry Gordon
  • Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens
  • Mayor Manx – Jim Cummings

Guest Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Mr. Young – Robert Ito
  • Enforcer Commando – Ed Gilbert
  • Burge – Ed Gilbert
  • Sgt. Talon – Ed Gilbert
  • MASA Technician #2 – Richard Gilbert Hill

Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Ann Gora – Candi Milo
  • Video Game – Jim Cummings
  • Dr. Viper – Frank Welker
  • MASA Flight Controller – Charles Adler
  • MASA Technician #1 – Frank Welker

Act One

Manx: At three-hundred stories, Megakat Tower is the tallest, most modern office complex in the whole city!

Mr. Young: Very impressive.

Manx: Oh yes! Why, it’s the perfect place to house your corporate headquarters, Mr. Young!

Mr. Young: Mmm, perhaps.

Manx: How’m I doing?

Callie: Greed brings out the best in you, Mr. Mayor.

Manx: Thank you.

Callie: He sunk most of the city treasury into this place, but that’s off the record.

Ann: Gotcha, and thanks again for giving me the exclusive, Callie.

Manx: Now, why don’t we continue this meeting at Megakat Golf Course? We tee off in ten minutes!

Mr. Young: So close to the golf course? This is an excellent location!

Manx: That’s what I’ve been tryin’ to tell you! Right This way, gentlemen!

Chance: Not this time, sucker! You’re dead meat! Ha! Gotcha! Uh oh, sneak attack! Got ‘em! Two million points and I’ve saved the universe!

Jake: Well I’m tryin’ to save this place from the smell of sour milk.

Chance: So that’s what all this plant business is about.

Jake: Yup! Good for the environment, good for the air.

Chance: Hey! But not so good for my game score. And I was goin’ for a personal best, too!

Jake: Relax, buddy.

Video Game: Space Kat!

Jake: There’s always another universe to save.

Ann: Today, only a few potted plants occupy the Megakat Tower, but when it opens next month this place is guaranteed to be a bustling business center! This is Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News.

Callie: And this is Callie Briggs, klutz. No, it couldn’t be!

Ann: Get some good shots of the courtyard. What the–?!

Dr. Viper: Thanks to my growth formula, thisss building is now impenetrable! But I count on you, my creationsss, to protect me from Feral, his Enforcers, and most of all, those meddling SssWAT Katsss!

Callie: It is Dr. Viper!

Dr. Viper: Sssoon, this foul cccity will be one giant, glorious ssswamp!

Callie: I’d better get some help!

Dr. Viper: A ssspy!

Callie: No way out! Not connected yet!

Chance: Yes, Ms. Briggs?

Callie: We’ve got problems, guys! Dr. Viper’s back!

Chance: Viper? Where?

Callie: At Megakat Towers! And this time he’s got an army of plant monsters to–

Chance: Ms. Briggs! Let’s kick some Viper tail!

Feral: Report!

Enforcer Commando: According to witnesses, Commander, this stuff just sprang up in minutes! But it’s gonna take a week to cut through.

Feral: Not if we burn our way in!

Enforcer Commando: That’s a ten story wall of dry brush, sir! If our fire gets outta hand it’ll torch the whole city!

Feral: Objection noted.

Ann: Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News! Commander Feral, are you aware that Deputy Mayor Briggs is trapped somewhere in that tower?

Feral: Briggs? That figures. Get the choppers ready, we’ll take the tower from above!

Burge: Kats alive! This stuff’s acid! Eating right through my chopper!

Feral: Weapon systems gummed up! Viper? Should’ve known that crazy lizard would be behind this mess!

Dr. Viper: Run, Feral, you fool. Because there’s nothing you can do to ssstop me!

Callie: Unh! Let me go!

Dr. Viper: Sssave your breath, Miss Briggsss! My Plantimalsss obey only me. Besidesss, you don’t want to run away and miss out on all the excitement! (cackles)

Callie: What is that thing?

Dr. Viper: My ssspore pod? Why it’s going to explode! And at this height, it’s beautiful sporesss will cover the entire cccity! I can sssee it all now. A spectacular new Megakat City. No more ugly metal and plassstic, only beautiful ssswamp, ruled by me! Dr. Viper’s Megaswamp Cccity! It will be ssso beautiful!

Callie: Wake up and smell the coffee, Viper! Here come the SWAT Kats!

T-Bone: Looks like a farmer’s market down there!

Razor: It’s Viper alright, and he’s got Callie!

Dr. Viper: Attack them, my little petsss!

T-Bone: We’ve got some plug-ugly company!

Razor: Acknowledged, T-Bone. Weapon systems ready. Hey these things are spittin’ acid!

T-Bone: So I’ve noticed! I’m takin’ evasive action!

Razor: Piranha Missiles, away! T-Bone, those things melted my missiles!

Dr. Viper: Attack! Dessstroy the SWAT Kats! You sssee, Ms. Briggsss, my armies are endlesssss! (gasps) She’s gone! You fool, you let her essscape!

T-Bone: Say again, Razor? You must be jokin’!

Razor: I said, I’ll penetrate the building, and come up on Viper from underneath!

T-Bone: That’s a negative, Razor. Plants are takin’ over the whole building or haven’t ya noticed?

Razor: Affirmative, but Callie’s in there, T-Bone!

T-Bone: Riiight. Maintain radio contact at all times, do you copy?

Razor: Affirmative, T-Bone. I’m goin’ in!

Act Two

T-Bone: Razor, you okay? Talk to me, buddy!

Razor: Looks like a swamp in here, but so far so good. What’s your situation?

T-Bone: It’s weird. Those flying cabbages don’t attack me unless I’m close to the roof.

Razor: Just keep away from ‘em. I’ll call ya when I find Callie. Don’t like the look of this. Chew on this! I don’t believe it!

T-Bone: Any progress, Razor?

Razor: No sign of Callie. Gotta run! Out!

Ann: Commander Feral, do you have a plan for getting Deputy Mayor Briggs out of there?

Feral: Yes, a simple one. We’re going in! Fire!

Enforcer Commando: That did it, Commander! We’re through!

Feral: Let’s move in! Blast it!

T-Bone: Looks like Feral got stopped at the door.

Manx: What?! Excuse my clumsiness! You play through, I have to make a phone call. Get me Feral!

Dr. Viper: Sssoon, my lovely, sssoon! Let those fools waste their time. In fifteen minutes, Megakat City will be mine!

Sgt. Talon: The toughest tanks we have, and that–-that thing melted ‘em like butter!

Feral: Now you listen to me, Mayor, Dr. Viper has turned your pet skyscraper into a living weed patch, and–

Manx: No, you listen to me, Feral! The city has a billion dollars sunk in that tower. Use weed killer if you have to, but get that wacko Viper out of there now! And don’t damage the building doing it!

Feral: You don’t understand–-

Manx: Don’t do it, Feral! My friends here are about to sign a ten year lease!

Mr. Young: Is there a problem, Mayor Manx?

Manx: (nervous) Don’t be ridiculous, not at all. Now where were we?

Feral: Great! I can’t burn, cut or blast! What does he expect me to do? Leave it to the SWAT Kats?

Razor: What’s it take to stop these things!? That should buy me some time.

Callie: Oh, no! Wake up! Oh, Razor I’m so sorry!

Razor: Callie? Uh, Ms. Briggs?

Callie: Are you okay? I hit you pretty hard.

Razor: Whoa, I’ll say. Good thing we’re required to wear helmets.

Callie: I’m sorry. I thought you were one of them.

Razor: This way, hurry! Make room, Miss Briggs!

Sgt. Talon: Copter 1 is on approach from the chemical factory.

Feral: Good. We’ll try it the Mayor’s way. Let’s see how that cabbage likes a thousand gallons of weed killer! Drop payload on my command!

Burge: Roger. We have target acquisitioned.

Feral: Now! Gotcha! We’re goin’ in!

Sgt. Talon: Oh, no! Commander, weed killer only makes it bigger!

Feral: Is there no way to destroy these things?

T-Bone: Feral’s strikin’ out big time down there. Razor, what’s your status?

Razor: I’ve got Ms. Briggs. We’re in the ventilation shaft heading for the roof.

T-Bone: The roof? That’s a negative! Those critters won’t let me get close enough for pickup!

Razor: No time for that. Miss Briggs says Viper’s–-

Callie: He’s growing a pod to destroy the city!

Razor: We’re gonna have to stop him from inside.

T-Bone: Well ya don’t have much time. from what I can see, that ugly thing is about ready to burst!

Razor: We’re on our way, big buddy! Out.

Callie: Am I just scared or is it freezing in here?

Act Three

Callie: Now, Razor! Blast ‘em!

Razor: With what? I’ve got nothing left but grappling hooks!

Callie: It worked!

Razor: Yeah, but the cold stopped ‘em first.

Callie: Too bad we couldn’t freeze the whole building.

Razor: Hey, maybe we can! Come on! T-Bone, I think we found a way to stop Viper. But you’re gonna have to make a fast pickup at the space center.

T-Bone: I’m there, buddy. What do you need?

Razor: Super rocket coolant. We’ll meet you on the roof in t-minus ten minutes. Out.

Callie: How can you be so sure we’ll make it in ten minutes?

Razor: ‘Cause we’re gonna take a shortcut!

Callie: You call this a shortcut?

Razor: Hang on tight!

Callie: I don’t know about thiiis!

Razor: This is easy.

Callie: (nervous) Yeah, piece of cake.

MASA Flight Controller: (over radio) Turbokat, I say again, this is flight control, you are not cleared for this area. Over.

T-Bone: Understood, flight control. But I have an emergency situation here.

MASA Flight Controller: (over radio) Explain the nature of your emergency. Over.

T-Bone: Here’s the deal…

MASA Technician #1: What’s that SWAT Kat want with a tank of super rocket coolant?

MASA Technician #2: Who cares? If the front office wants to give freeze juice to a vigilante, who are we to argue?

MASA Technician #1: Yeah, but that one barrel has enough coolant to freeze a whole city block!

Callie: Razor, we’ve got trouble!

Razor: Big trouble!

Dr. Viper: It’s just you and me now, sssweetness. Feral is helpless, and the SWAT Kats have run away in their ssstupid jet! Aww, you’re so beautiful! It’s going to be a shame to have you exxxplode!

T-Bone: If anything’s happened to him, I’ll…

Callie: Nice knowing you, Razor!

Razor: Thanks, and it still will be. I’ve been saving this for last! Hang on!

Dr. Viper: Attack! Protect our spore pod!

T-Bone: Time for some real flyin’! I owe it that much to Razor. Eat my backwash, you lettuceheads! Barbecued cabbage, my favorite! They’re tougher than I thought!

Razor: Don’t tell me your givin’ up!

T-Bone: Razor!

Dr. Viper: The SssWAT Kats have failed! In a few minutes, it will be all over!

Razor: You can “sssay” that again, snake-puss!

Dr. Viper: What?! It’s not posssssible!

Razor: Anything’s possible, ugly!

Dr. Viper: You can’t ssstop me now! (growls)

Razor: (screams)

Dr. Viper: It’sss oblivion for you, SWAT Kat!

Callie: Razor! No!

Dr. Viper: Yesss! But don’t worry, Ms. Briggs, you’ll be joining him!

Razor: Need a lift? Aww this is great! My weapons systems are all gummed up!

T-Bone: Musta gotten too close tot hose sap-slingers.

Razor: Yeah. Well, I’m gonna have to drop our freeze bomb by hand, if that flying produce doesn’t drop us, first! Wa-hoo! Get ready, Viper! The SWAT Kats are gonna put the big chill or your big plans! T-Bone, go for that big air conditioning unit on the roof!

T-Bone: Right on target! It’s now or never!

Dr. Viper: (gasps)

Feral: Get clear! On the double!

T-Bone: Next time, Dr. Viper better make his plans frost-free.

Callie: Better drop me off, guys. I think the Mayor’s gonna need sedation.

Callie: Thanks! It was fun, we have to do it again sometime.

Razor: Yeah, right. Take care!

T-Bone: See you later, Ms Briggs, we have to get back. Razor has to water his plants.

Razor: Oh, no. I think I’ve had enough gardening for one day.

Manx: (wheezing gasp) Criminy… I can’t believe… whaaa-aaa…

Mr. Young: Thank you for the golf game, but I think we will pass on your most generous offer.

Manx: Now, now, now don’t be hasty! We’ll fix it up just like new! A fresh coat of paint, I’ll upgrade the carpeting! We have some lovely parting gifts, just don’t part! Free golf clubs! Come back!

Episode Transcripts

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