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Contributed By
MoDaDMoDaD

Cast:

  • T-Bone – Charles Adler
  • Razor – Barry Gordon
  • Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens
  • Mayor Manx – Jim Cummings

Guest Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Narrator – Robert Ridgeley
  • Dr. Harley Street – Robert Ridgeley
  • Jonny K. – Mark Hamill

Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Pilot – Charles Adler
  • Ann Gora – Candi Milo
  • MASA Guard – Jim Cummings
  • Enforcer Pilot #1 – Charles Adler
  • Enforcer Pilot #2 – Jim Cummings
  • Enforcer Pilot #3 – Charles Adler
  • Nuclear Plant Guards – Charles Adler
  • Nuclear Plant Technician – Charles Adler
  • TV Announcer – Charles Adler

Trancsript

Pilot> We’re not makin’ a dent in that Hard Shell. I’m goin’ in! [gasps]

Chance> Aw, Jake, you know how I feel about bugs.

Jake> Yeah, I was surprised you came with me to see this flick.

Chance> I thought “Hard Shell” was about a tank, not some giant beetle.

Jake> Shh! It’s almost over. They’re using the bug spray now!

Narrator> He’s finished. But for good? Who knows. Who knows what lies beyond the stars?

Chance> I give this flick two claws down. Hey, look! A shooting star. I get to make a wish.

Jake> Uh uh, negative Chance. It’s just that space center sattelite returning from orbit.

Chance> Aww, darn. And I was gonna wish I never had to see another bug.

Street> I’ve waited two long years for this. Now the secrets of the stars will be mine!

Ann> There are no secrets from Kat’s Eye News! Ann Gora, here in the desert with Dr. Harley Street, brilliant creator of the sattelite Kat Sat 1. Well, what’s the story, doctor?

Street> The probe survived rentry undamaged, Ann, but I’ll be able to tell you much more after I’ve examined it back at the lab. Why don’t you stop by the space center tomorrow?

Ann> Kat’s Eye News will be there, Dr. Street.

Street> That Kat Sat’s data recorders have surpassed my expectations. And to think the fools here were ready to cut off my funding! Interesting. I’ve never seen anything like that before. Reminds me of an insect’s cocoon. Hmm? Looks like something got stuck in the seam. Aaahh! Yes, I understand. I will do everything in my power to help you conquer this world.

MASA Guard> What brings you down to the reactor, doc? And what’s that stuff?

Street> It’s a surprise.

Chance> Jake, hand me a wrench.

Jake> You got it.

Chance> Aah! Get this thing off me!

Jake> Ow! Hey, Chance, are you a kat or a mouse?

Ann> Hello, Ann Gora of Kat’s Eye News, here to interview Dr. Harley Street.

MASA Guard> Sorry, Dr. Street gave orders he’s not to be disturbed.

Ann> Hmm. But I just spoke to him about this yesterday.

MASA Guard> Sorry, ma’am, I have my orders.

Street> What’s going on out here?

Ann> I’m here for our interview, doctor, remember?

Street> Not now, I’ve got more important things to do!

MASA Guard> You heard him!

Jonny> What’s eatin’ them?

Ann> I don’t know, Jonny, but we’re not leaving here without a story.

Jonny> Yeah, sure beats coverin’ the reopening of Megakat Towers.

Ann> What was that? It’s coming from down here.

Jonny> What the?

Ann> Get a shot of that!

MASA Guard> Hey! I warned you!

Ann> [gasps] Dr. Street?!

Chance> Aww, Jake, haven’t we had enough bug movies for one week?

Jake> Gee, I’ve never seen this one. A giant Ci-Kat-A. Looks pretty cool!

Ann> This is Ann Gora, Kat’s Eye News, in deep trouble at Megakat space center!

Chance and Jake> Let’s hit it!

Ann> You’ve got to help us!

Jonny> Annie, let’s get outta here!

Feral> What the?! Just what I need. Back off, SWAT Kats! The Enforcers are handling this!

T-Bone> Really? Looks like those bug-eyed monsters have you pinned down.

Razor> Yeah while the Kat’s Eye News team is trapped inside!

T-Bone> Don’t worry, we’ll get them out!

Feral> I’ll get them out! But I can’t afford to blow up a billion dollars in space equipment doing it!

T-Bone> Let Feral pussyfoot around out here.

Razor> Yeah, we’re goin’ in.

T-Bone> Crud, why do they have to be bugs!?

Razor> Just like that movie, huh T-Bone?

Street> I-I know there isn’t enough food for you here, but I’ll take care of you.

T-Bone> We’ll take care of them! Ooh that thing is ugly!

Razor> So are these two! Yeah!

Ann> SWAT Kats!

T-Bone> C’mon we’re gettin’ you outta this bughouse! Aargh! Chew on this!

Jonny> Annie! Not my camera!

T-Bone> Come on let’s get outta here! Aww, crud Razor! You didn’t tell me these things could fly!

Razor> Monster bugs usually do. Incoming!

Street> An excellent way to get rid of these meddling SWAT Kats! if you don’t mind losing one of your offspring.

Razor> We’ve been launched, buddy! We gotta get outta here before those second-stage boosters hit or we’re gonna be in orbit!

T-Bone> You two, bold on to us!

Jonny> We’re jumpin’ out!?

T-Bone> Unless you wanna be the first news team in outer space! Delta Backpacks, deployed!

Feral> We’ve got ‘em now! Move in!

Enforcer Pilot #1: Aaaghhhh!

Enforcer Pilot #2: (screams and grunts)

Feral: Kats alive! They’ve taken over my choppers, and I’m going after them! This is Feral, I need chopper backup!

Manx> This is Mayor Manx. How’s the bug problem, Commander?

Feral> Situation under control, sir! Just a few loose ends to wrap up.

Manx> Well, see that they’re tightly wrapped! I’ve got important visitors comin’ to the city! Better take a run out there, Callie. I’ve got to make sure Megakat Tower is ready for tommorow’s grand re-opening.

Callie> Yes, Mayor.

T-Bone> Looks like we’ve missed all the excitement.

Ann> An I guess I missed a story.

Razor> Maybe not! That’s Dr. Bug-Eyes and the big Ci-Kat-A!

T-Bone> In a big hurry! Probably goin’ to an ant farm for brunch.

Razor> Aww, Chance, these things don’t eat ants. Space bugs eat radioactive stuff [gasps] Come on!

T-Bone> So how do you know so much about this monster bug, sure-shot?

Razor> How else? Horror movies! Betcha that mutant doctor is taking the Ci-Kat-A to the Megakat Nuclear Plant.

Feral> Keep them in sight. if they make a move, blast ‘em!

Enforcer Pilot #3> Yes sir. Aahhh!

Feral> So much for my backup.

T-Bone> Looks like Feral’s a little outnumbered.

Razor> Maybe we can even the odds. Slicer Missiles, deployed! Bingo! Two for one!

T-Bone> I just hate these bugs! Guess we’re gonna have to scrape this one off!

Razor> What did I tell ya, T-Bone? There’s Dr. Bug-Eyes heading right for the nuclear plant! You finish off these choppers, I’ll handle the big bug!

T-Bone> Better you than me, buddy.Switching to auxillary launching panel.

Street> You should have stayed in orbit, SWAT Kat!

Razor> Miss Briggs?! Bingo!

T-Bone> You can thank me later, Feral.

Feral> Guess that should take care of Megakat City’s bug problem.

T-Bone> Negative! The big bug is down there, Feral!

Street> Forget about him! You must get inside, quickly!

Technician> Stop! This is a secured area! Aahhh!

Street> Yes, you can almost taste it, can’t you?

T-Bone> Razor! Buddy, are you okay?

Razor> [groans] I will be when you get this crud off me!

T-Bone> This is worse than the movies! This stuff smells nasty!

Razor> We’re too late! They’ve breached the reactor!

Street> Yes! Eat, eat! There’s enough energy here to make you and your breed invincible!

Razor> We’re too late to stop it!

T-Bone> Stop what!?

Razor> That! A giant Ci-Kat-A!

Callie> Commander Feral, are you alright!?

Feral> Oof. Yes, Miss Briggs. Bring me chopper backup! Loaded with bugspray!

T-Bone> Time to burn the wings off that thing!

Razor> Roger! Matchhead Missile, locked, loaded, away! He blew out my missiles!

T-Bone> And my engines! All that bug slime’s gummed up the intakes! C’mon baby, just one time, for old T-Bone! Hey, where’d it go?

Razor> Well I’ve lost him on radar, T-Bone. But I’ve got a feeling we haven’t seen the last of that giant Ci-Kat-A.

T-Bone> better get back to the hangar and clean out the intakes. And this time, you’re touchin’ that bug slime!

Street> Yes, yes, I know. We must find a nest for your new brood. I know you like the thin air up here, it reminds you of home. We will find a high place, and then you and your kind will conquer my world!

Callie> No, Mayor, the bug hasn’t been seen since yesterday. Yes, Mayor, the enw carpetting looks great! Very plush. I’m sure Mr. Young will want to rent the building.

Manx> Excellent! See you in an hour, and have that ten year lease ready.

Callie> All ready, Mayor. I’ll meet you in the penthouse. Good luck. [gasps] Not again! This building must be cursed!

Street> Deputy Mayor Briggs! How fortunate of you to come! because you’ll soon be working for the new masters of Megakat City!

Callie> I don’t think so!

Ann> The alien bug was brought back to Megakat City on a space probe coated with this sticky slime.

T-Bone> Sticky, smelly slime.

Callie> We’ve got a little bug problem in the Megakat Tower penthouse, guys!

T-Bone> Just call us the bugbusters!

Street> I want you on our side! One bite and you will be!

Razor> Bite this!

Feral> Clear the area, SWAT Kats! The Enforcers will eradicate these pests! Fire flamethrowers!

T-Bone> Now you’ve ticke dit off, Feral!

Feral> Let’s see how it likes bug spray!

Razor> The Ci-Kat-A’s scream messed up the guidance system! Fly in close and tie up his wings!

T-Bone> If I saw this in a movie I’d say it was crazy!

Razor> Yeah and one of the good guys always gets it in the end!

T-Bone> Razor, it’s working! Razor?

Manx> Hello?

Callie> Uh, Mayor Manx, I don’t think this is a good time to show the building.

Manx> Not a good time, eh? Uh, Mr. Young, how about a quick round of golf? [gasps, coughs] Back to the airport, driver.

TV Announcer> He’s bigger and badder than ever! Don’t miss “Hard Shell 2: The Revenge”!

Chance> Hey Jake, wanna go?

Jake> Nah, being katnapped and cocooned by a giant Ci-Kat-A has given me enough big bug action!

Chance> Roger that. Handlin’ the big ones doe smake the little ones look tame, though. Ow!

Episode Transcripts

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