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Transcript by Kooshmeister.

Cast:

  • T-Bone/Chance Furlong – Charles Adler
  • Razor/Jake Clawson – Barry Gordon
  • Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens
  • Mayor Manx – Jim Cummings

Guest Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Burke – Mark Hamill
  • Farmer – Mark Hamill
  • Dr. N. Zyme – Paul Eiding

Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Morbulus – Jim Cummings
  • Ann Gora – Candi Milo
  • Reporter #1 – Frank Welker
  • Reporter #2 – Frank Welker
  • Dr. Viper – Frank Welker
  • Murray – Charles Adler
  • Cameraman – ?
  • Subway Motorman – ?
  • Subway Passengers – ?

Act One

T-Bone: Does that crazy megalo think he can blow up every refinery in Megakat City?

Razor: He’s doin’ a good job so far.

T-Bone: He’s shreddin’ those Enforcer choppers like an old scratchin’ post! Guess it’s up to the SWAT Kats to kick some tail! Can ya get a lock on him?

Razor: Workin’ on it. Locked and loaded, T-Bone! One Octopus Missile, on its way!

T-Bone: Sucker doesn’t even see it comin’! He suckered us! How’d you miss him, sure-shot?

Razor: That guy must have eyes in the back of his head. Whoa, he does have eyes in the back of his head!

T-Bone: No excuses.

Morbulus: You’ll have to do better than that, SWAT Kats, to catch Morbulus! Or… die trying! (laughs)

T-Bone: So, four-eyes wants to play canyon tag, huh? Crud! He’s goin’ after the Megakat Refinery!

Razor: Head for that cloud bank, I’ve got an idea!

T-Bone: I hope it’s better than your aim.

Morbulus: Scratch one more refinery!

Razor: Let’s see if four-eyes has eyes under his head! Bingo!

Morbulus: (screams)

T-Bone: What’ll it be, Razor? Dunk or deliver?

T-Bone / Razor: Dunk!

Morbulus: (screams)

Razor: Belly flop?

T-Bone: Mega-belly flop! Guess Feral and the Enforcers can handle it from here.

Feral: Keep away, Deputy Mayor! He could still be dangerous!

Callie: Yes, he could be. If he was here. Looks like you’ve come up empty, Commander Feral. And the SWAT Kats practically gave him to you!

Feral: If they’d held Morbulus until we arrived, he’d be in custody right now!

Reporters: (indistinct chatter)

Ann: Mayor Manx, is this the end of what has been dubbed “The Refinery Reign of Terror?”

Manx: Absolutely! The authorities have apprehended the villain!

Reporters: (more indistinct chatter)

Callie: Mayor Manx, I’m afraid that’s not the case…

Manx: Uh, but Callie, you told me on the phone–-

Feral: You were obviously misinformed.

Reporter #1: Well, which is it, Commander? Do you have this wacko or don’t you?

Feral: Despite our valiant efforts, the villain known as Morbulus managed to escape. Although, we believe he may have drowned in the bay.

Morbulus: (laughs) No way I’m gonna rot in some Megakat City prison!

Dr. Viper: I’ll put you to much better ussse than that…

T-Bone: Chalk up another one for the SWAT Kats!

(He and Razor both take their helmets and then their masks off, becoming Chance and Jake again.)

Jake: Nice flyin’.

Chance: Nice shootin’. Fun’s over.

Jake: Back to the greasepit.

Chance: Let’s see if we made the 5:00 news.

Jake: Hey, there’s Feral.

Chance: Guy looks like he hasn’t hit the litterbox in a week! Turn it up, I wanna here him take credit for what we did.

Reporter #2: (on TV) So you don’t have Morbulus in custody?

Feral: (on TV) Due to the interference of the SWAT Kats, this is all we have of Morbulus at the moment!

Chance / Jake: What?!

Feral: (on TV) No one asked for their help and they allowed a dangerous criminal to escape!

Chance: Escape?! We practically handed Feral a gift package! (growls)

Feral: (on TV) And if I ever find out who they are, I’ll–- (Chance smashes the TV before he can finish his threat)

Jake: Aw, great. Morbulus is gone, so’s our TV!

Callie: I need your help, guys. This crate pinged all the way from Megakat Bay.

Chance: What were you doin’ way out there, Callie?

Callie: Didn’t you guys hear? The SWAT Kats shot down Morbulus! They were magnificent!

Chance: (feigning ignorance) Really?

Callie: They tore him right out of his plane!

Chance: (pretending to be amazed) No!

Callie: Yes! But somehow Commander Feral managed to lose him…

Jake: Yeah, so we heard. When we had a TV.

Callie: When do you think I can pick up the car?

Chance: Jake’ll start on it right away. You can wait for it, how ’bout some milk?

Callie: I really can’t. I’ve got to get back into town and help “his Honor” write his speech for tomorrow’s park dedication.

Chance: I’ll be happy to drive you.

Callie: No need. Mayor Manx is waiting for me outside. One of the, um, “perks” of being Deputy Mayor. Thanks, Chance.

Chance: Ha! Did you hear that? She’s crazy about me!

Callie: (seductively) Bye, Jake!

Morbulus: So, this is the secret lab of the legendary Dr. Viper.

Dr. Viper: Quite an “eyeful,” isssn’t it, Morbulusss?

Morbulus: Very impressive. Looks like you’ve got everything a mad scientist needs right here.

Dr. Viper: Everything except the rare biochemical compound known as Katalyssst 99.

Morbulus: Well, maybe I could help ya get it, Doc.

Dr. Viper: Ah, we see “eye to eye,” Morbulusss. I do have need of someone to get me into Megakat Biochemical Labsss.

Morbulus: Megakat Labs? Are you outta your mind?! That building’s impenetrable!

Dr. Viper: Up until now!

Morbulus: What? (screams) What have you done to me?!

Dr. Viper: I’m letting you “help” me! (chuckles) As a living tessst tube for my new bacteria ssstrain!

Morbulus: (voice horribly distorted) Noooo!

Dr. Viper: Yesss! I have big plansss for you! With your help, I’ll have Katalyst 99 and the power to dessstroy Megakat City!

Act Two

Jake: I’m not sure using these turbo plugs on Callie’s engine is such a good idea, Chance.

Chance: I say she’s gotta have extra horsepower in case of an emergency.

Jake: I say you’re gonna blow the engine.

Chance: Jake, I’m a pilot. I know what an engine can handle. See? Purrs like a kitten. Growls like a tiger!

Jake: Blows like a volcano! Now what’ll we tell Callie?

Chance: I’ll think of somethin’.

Murray: Problems, guys? Maybe we can add to ‘em! (laughs)

Burke: Hit it, Murray!

Murray: This makes my day, Burke!

Burke: They come a long way from bein’ pilots.

Murray: A looooong way… down! (laughs) Sign here. Here’s your copy! We’ll tell Commander Feral you sent your love! (laughs) Adios, amigos!

Chance: (imitating Murray) “This makes my day!”. (chuckles) If those dipsticks knew we built the Turbokat outta stuff like this.

Jake: They’d cough up a hairball! (laughs)

Chance: Hey, check it out. We can drop this baby under Callie’s hood. With a little modification, of course.

Jake: And I think I found our new TV!

Farmer: What’s goin’ on out here? Get away!

Dr. Viper: I’ll teach you to tamper with my experiment!

Farmer: (yelps)

Dr. Viper: And now that you’ve had your breakfassst, it’s time to begin our commute into Megakat City, by ssssewer. (chuckles) Follow me!

Manx: (finishing his speech) As Mayor of Megakat City, I am proud to dedicate this beautiful new park, which bears my name.

Chance: Ahh, that Callie sure is pretty.

Jake: Yeah, but she’ll be pretty mad if we don’t get her car running.

Ann: (on TV) From the new Manx Municipal Park, this is Ann Gora for Kat’s Eye News. (back at the park) What in the-–? Quick, get a shot of that!

Manx: (terrified) It’s every kat for himself!

Camerman: (gasps)

Callie: Better let me drive, Mayor!

Manx: (apoplectic with terror) Just get me out of here!

Callie: (screams)

Chance / Jake: Hey, that’s Callie!

Callie: Out of my way, slimeball!

Chance / Jake: Let’s hit it!

(They suit up as the SWAT Kats and fly off to the rescue.)

Callie: Come on, Mayor! Hurry!

Manx: (terrified gibberish)

Feral: Relax, Mayor. The Enforcers are here now.

Callie: (excited) So are the SWAT Kats!

Razor: Looks like Callie’s safe.

T-Bone: Not the way Feral flies!

Feral: (via radio) Back off, you vigilantes! The authorities are handling this! Fire on my order!

Razor: I don’t think that’s a good idea, Feral. We saw what happened when Callie hit it.

Callie: He’s right!

Feral: I’m in command here!

T-Bone: I think he’s blown us off.

Feral: Fire!

Razor: Now he’s done it!

Dr. Viper: (cackles) Those fools have given me three ways into Megakat Labsss! (hisses)

Feral: Normal weapons won’t stop those monsters!

Manx: You’ve> made that abundantly clear, Feral!

Callie: They seem to be heading for the Megakat Biochemical Labs. We’d better get there first!

T-Bone: Any idea what to throw at these guys?

Razor: How ’bout Feral? Thanks to him we’ve got three to fight!

T-Bone: Then how come I only see two!?

Razor:> Hey, where’d the other one go?

T-Bone: Use the X-Ray Beam!

Razor: (in horror) Oh no, one’s going in the subway!

T-Bone: Gotta move fast!

Motorman: (gasps)

Passengers: Whoooaaaa! (scream)

Razor: (horrified) Oh no, too late!

Act Three

Razor: So, it doesn’t like heat, huh? Maybe it’ll follow me onto this electrified rail and give itself a mega hotfoot! Bingo!

T-Bone: Razor, what is cookin’ down there?

Razor: French-fried bacteria! Rendezvous in t-minus five, Katalina entrance. Three, two, one!

T-Bone: Gotcha! The other two giant zits are closin’ in on Megakat Labs!

Razor: I can handle ‘em.

Dr. Zyme: They appear to be giant bacteria. On such short notice, this is the best I could do. It contains the most powerful antibiotics known. Hopefully, it should stop them.

Callie: It better work. Those things are heading right for us!

Dr. Zyme: Don’t worry, Ms. Briggs! These windows are practically indestructible.

Dr. Viper: While the bacteria wreak havoc, I will raid the labsss!

Manx: I’m coming too! I don’t want to be around here if this stuff doesn’t work!

Feral: You’re a coward, Manx.

Manx: You don’t get to be Mayor for ten terms, without being cautious!

T-Bone: Say ‘Ahhhh’!

Razor: One Megavolt Missile, away!

T-Bone: I thought you said this would work!

Razor: Give it time. Five, four, three, two, one…

Manx: The SWAT Kats took care of that one, Feral!

Feral: And I’ll take care of the other! Got him!

Dr. Zyme: It worked!

Dr. Viper: You were always an arrogant fool, Dr. Zyme! My bacteria is immune to antibioticsss!

Dr. Zyme: (screams)

T-Bone: Time for another Megavolt Missile, buddy!

Razor: Whoops! Guess I’m one short!

Callie: You won’t get away with this, Dr. Viper!

Dr. Viper: No, Ms. Briggsss. It’sss you who won’t get away!

Callie: (screams)

T-Bone / Razor: Callie!

Razor: Lead him onto the bridge, then double back! Now!

T-Bone: Game’s over, Dr. Viper!

Dr. Viper: Ssstill one more play!

Feral: Ms. Briggs, are you all right?

Callie: Yes, thanks to the SWAT Kats. Whoever they are.

Feral: Thanks to them, half of Megakat City is without power!

T-Bone: Hey, you know a better way to cook a giant bacteria? Looks like Burke and Murray have got a looooong day ahead of ‘em.

Episode Transcripts

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