Transcript by Kooshmeister.
Guest Cast (in order of appearance):
Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):
Jack: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Tom. This old boneyard is supposed to be cursed!
Tom: Eh, what are ya, Jack, a scaredy-kat? We find somethin’ valuable, and the museum’ll pay big bucks for it! So shut up and keep diggin’! Hey, I think I’ve hit paydirt! Gimme a hand here! There’s probably treasure inside.
Jack: Ugliest treasure I’ve ever seen.
Tom: Yeah, well this old watch has gotta be worth plenty of–- What?!
Jack: Wh–Who are you?
Pastmaster: I am the Pastmaster, imprisoned in here for eight-hundred years!
Jack: I told you this place was cursed!
Pastmaster: At last I’m finally free! Now to find my book of spells!
Jack: Let’s get outta here!
Tom: No way! We’re gonna sell that old gnome to the museum, watch and all!
Pastmaster: Curse the council! My book isn’t where I hid it!
Tom: You’re comin’ with us, Pastmaster!
Pastmaster: You foolish mortals! Even without my spellbook I have enough power to deal with vermin like you! Let them go! I have more important work for you. Start digging, and find my book of spells!
King: (via loudspeaker) You are violating a restricted area! Put down those shovels!
Pastmaster: Do those modern fools think some infernal machine can stop me? Attack!
Burge: Do we read these things their rights?
King: You have the right to remain buried!
Burge: These bones ain’t movin’ now. What’s this thing?
King: I don’t know. Headquarters wants us to take it over to the Museum of History.
Pastmaster: Perhaps this museum has my book… So, this is what’s been accomplished in eight-hundred years. I want the Dark Ages back. And when I find my Tome of Time, I will arrange just that! (laughs)
T-Bone: (strained) Mach 4! Ready… for more?
Razor: (also strained) Uh… huh!
T-Bone: Mach 5! All right, ten seconds. Beat that, SWAT Kat.
T-Bone: Ha! New personal best! Ten seconds at Mach 5.
Razor: Yeah, well, if you say so. Of course… I didn’t see it.
T-Bone: Sure you didn’t see it, you were out like like a blown engine!
Razor: Hey, then how do I know you made ten seconds? I mean, you could’ve passed out too, and just made it up to yank my tail.
T-Bone: That does it! Two outta three!
Razor: You’re on!
T-Bone: (strained) Why don’t ya… just admit it?! I can take more… Gs than you!
Razor: (also strained) I’ll believe it when I see it!
Dr. Sinian: And so when the museum re-opens, our new exhibit will trace the evoloution of Megakat City from prehistoric swamp to urban sprawl.
Callie: This should be enough for me to write the Mayor’s press release. Thanks, Dr. Sinian. Will that be in the exhibit?
Dr. Sinian: Oh, just came in, but it’s definitely a part of history. The darker part. These inscriptions date back to the Dark Ages.
Callie: Really? Any idea what was inside?
Sinian: Jewels, perhaps. Who knows what our ancestors might have buried in here?
Pastmaster: Here the past is dead. I prefer my past alive. (chuckles)
Museum Guard: Hey! How’d you get in here? The museum is closed until further– (gasps)
Pastmaster: And I say it is open! (laughs)
Museum Guard: No!
Callie: What was that?
Pastmaster: I do not want to be disturbed while I look for my book!
Dr. Sinian: Oh, good heavens! One of the exhibits has fallen!
Callie: One of the exhibits is alive!
Pastmaster: Where is my book?!
T-Bone: Jake! Callie’s callin’ us! Oh and by the way, eleven seconds at Mach 5! T-Bone here. What’s happening, Ms. Briggs? Ms. Briggs, do you copy? Sounds like big trouble!
T-Bone: Up and at ’em, partner! Got a fix on Callie’s signal?
Razor: Roger! Megakat City Museum of History!
Dr. Sinian: We can get out through the garage!
T-Bone: Seems pretty quiet.
Razor: Quiet, huh?
Razor: Popping canopy… now! Bingo!
T-Bone: Let me give you a hand, ladies.
T-Bone: Thanks, Razor, but I think I could’ve taken him.
Razor: Just makin’ sure the cement machine gun was operational. Whoa, exhibits are gettin’ kinda lifelike, aren’t they?
T-Bone: Looks like the Enforcers are here. Late as usual.
Pastmaster: My Tome of Time. Eight-hundred years is far to long to be separated from such power!
Dr. Sinian: Only a sorcerer’s dark power could have brought these ancient bones to life. It must have been the Pastmaster.
Callie: If you mean that weird little guy in the hood, why don’t you just ask him?
Dr. Sinian: Oh, no! He’s stolen an ancient spellbook!
Sgt. Talon: All right, buddy, hand it over!
Pastmaster: The Tome of Time belongs to me! Hear the spell of this immortal, send this creature through the portal!
Dr. Sinian: It’s a Megasaurus rex!
Pastmaster: Out of my way, you fools! I command the past, and your future looks bleak! (cackles)
T-Bone: Hang tight, we’ll take care of this. Let’s kick some tail!
Razor: Roger! Octopus Missiles, away!
T-Bone: (strained, as the jet flies out of control) It… just… kicked our tails!
Dr. Sinian: The SWAT Kats!
Callie: They’re gone!
Dr. Sinian: Now who will save Megakat City?
T-Bone: Come on, baby! Gotcha!
Razor: Uhh, T-Bone? I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Megakat City anymore.
T-Bone: Yeah, sleepin’ beauty, looks like that giant lizard smashed us into the past. Any idea how to get back?
Razor: Well, I’ve got a better question. How does a jet stay in the air without fuel?
T-Bone: Answer: it doesn’t!
Razor: Well, I’d better get to work fixing that torn fuel line.
T-Bone: (dejected) Fine. The closest gas station is only a million years away.
Razor: Huh? Ejektors!
T-Bone: Engaged! I guess we showed them!
Razor: Affirmative, but now we have to show them!
Enforcer Commando: Fire!
Pastmster: Aha, there is a way to destroy this modern monstrosity called Megakat City, and bring back the Dark Ages!
Enforcer Commando: It’s no use, Commander! We’ve thrown everything at that lizard!
Feral: I’m surprised those meddling SWAT Kats aren’t here.
Enforcer Commando: They got taken out early, sir.
Feral: Really? Well, we can handle this. Launch gas grenades!
Enforcer Commando: Yes sir!
Pastmaster: The spell must be cast from the tallest clocktower in the land. Once that was my tower, but now… You stupid beast!
Feral: They’re not going anywhere!
Dr. Sinian: Get that spellbook from the Pastmaster, or we’re all still in danger!
Feral: I give the orders around here!
Callie: Feral, Dr. Sinian knows what she’s talking about. She’s the curator of the museum.
Feral: All right. Throw a net over that guy!
Pastmaster: Hear the spell of this immortal, send these creatures through the portal!
Callie: Too little too late, Feral!
Feral: This is Feral. Bring me chopper backup!
Pastmaster: Yes, that clocktower will do nicely!
Callie: He’s headed for City Hall!
Manx: (startled) Huh?
T-Bone: Spider Missiles, now!
Razor: Bingo! T-Bone, follow me!
T-Bone: Into a live volcano?! Razor, you’re crazier than I am!
Razor: Oxygen masks, now! Lucky for us those leather-wings don’t have gas masks.
T-Bone: Smells like prehistoric fried chicken. Volcano-hoppin’ was kinda fun, but I don’t wanna spend the rest of my nine lives stuck in dinosaurville.
Razor: Affirmative. And I’ve got an idea that just might get the Turbokat back in the air.
Feral: Let me blast that gnome and his buzzards off of there!
Manx: I give the orders around here, Feral, and you’re not going to blow up my City Hall, until I know who we’re dealing with and what he wants!
Callie: He’s an eight-hundred year old sorcerer from the Dark Ages!
Manx: Perfect! Well, don’t just stand there! Get up to the tower and find out what he wants!
Razor: Fuel tanks are modified. Give me some gas!
T-Bone: You really think this is gonna work?
Razor: Well, theoretically, the natural volcanic gas mixture should get us off the ground. Or blow us up.
Pastmaster: Alas, it’s too late. When this clocktower strikes noon, my Dark Age city will return, and your Megakat City will be no more!
Callie: Wait! The Mayor has authorized me to give you anything you want! Money! A parade in your honor!
Pastmaster: How generous! But I’m already getting what I want! A return to the past!
Dr. Sinian: Our only hope is to destroy that book!
Callie: And we’re running out of time!
Pastmaster: You’re really going to enjoy the Dark Ages!
Callie: Guess it’s up to Feral now, especially without the SWAT Kats.
T-Bone: Maybe we should’ve tried the unleaded volcano.
Razor: Well, at least we didn’t blow up.
T-Bone: Feeding time again, guys? Sorry, SWAT Kat ain’t on the menu!
Razor: T-Bone! Looks like another one of those time holes is opening.
Manx: Feral, you’ve got only three minutes to blast that sorcerer out of the clocktower!
Feral: My pleasure! Fool should’ve given the order an hour ago!
Pastmaster: Get them!
Manx: My office!
Pastmaster: It won’t be long, now!
T-Bone: We’re back!
Callie: The SWAT Kats!
Razor: Looks like our city’s having an identity crisis.
Callie: SWAT Kats, you have only one minute to blast the Pastmaster out of the City Hall clocktower!
Razor: Who says we can’t fight City Hall?
T-Bone: Eat afterburner! Watch this! If the Gs don’t knock you out!
Razor: Nice flying, T-Bone! Hey! I didn’t pass out! I- T-Bone! Wake up, buddy! We need a pilot now!
T-Bone: Why didn’t you eject?
Razor: And miss that look on your face? No way!
Manx: They’re too late!
Pastmaster: Time’s up! No!
Manx: I wish they’d got back in time to save my office.
Dr. Sinian: I guess the Tome of Time won’t be making it into the new exhibit. But, at least we don’t have to worry about the Pastmaster anymore.
Both: Rock and roll!