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Contributed By
FelonyFelony

Cast:

  • T-Bone – Charles Adler
  • Razor – Barry Gordon
  • Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens

Guest Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Dark Kat – Brock Peters
  • Nuclear Plant Technician #3 – Hal Rayle
  • Lieutenant Commander Steel – Hal Rayle
  • Enforcer Pilot #1 – Hal Rayle
  • Enforcer Pilot #2 – Hal Rayle
  • Burke – Mark Hamill

Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Nuclear Plant Guard – Charles Adler
  • Nuclear Plant Technician #1 – Charles Adler
  • Nuclear Plant Technician #2 – Frank Welker
  • Ann Gora – Candy Milo
  • Al – Frank Welker
  • Enforcer Captain – Charles Adler
  • Murray – Charles Adler

Act One

Guard: Halt or we’ll shoot!

Dark Kat: Citizens of Megakat City, this is Dark Kat. My business at this facility will be brief. I warn you, do not interfere! I repeat, do not interfere! You have witnessed only a sample of my destructive power! Any more acts of defiance, and Megakat City will suffer on a grand scale.

Technician #1: What the–? Oof!

Technician #2: Stop! This is a secured area! Put me down!

Technician #3: They’ve breached the reactor! Everybody get out! Get out!

Ann: As usual, Kat’s Eye News is first on the scene of this late-breaking story at Megakat Nuclear Plant. And it appears Deputy Mayor Callie Briggs has just arrived.

Steel: Everybody stand back! This area is under Enforcer control! That means you, too, lady!

Callie: Now listen here! I’m–

Feral: Back off, Steel. Let Deputy Mayor Briggs through. You must forgive Lieutenant Steel, Ms. Briggs. He’s green and a little too ambitious.

Callie: What’s the situation here, Commander?

Feral: Dark Kat has broken into the reactor. We’re just about to move in, if you’d like to stay and watch the fireworks.

Callie: Fireworks? Commander, you can’t fire this close to the reactor! One mistake and the whole city could be poisoned by radioactivity!

Feral: And what do you suggest I do, Ms. Briggs? Wait for Dark Kat to steal all the nuclear matierial inside? Feral to all units! Move in now! Blast that Dark Kat! Very well. Let’s see what he can do against this! Dark Kat will never be able to hit three targets traveling faster than the speed of sound! Kats alive! Those were the best pilots I had…

Callie: I know two better ones. The SWAT Kats.

Chance: Pepper number one.

Jake: Well, I’ll see that, and raise you this. Heh.

Chance: It’s Callie. Yes, Ms. Briggs?

Callie: T-Bone, Razor, there’s big trouble. It’s Dark Kat. He’s broken into the Megakat Nuclear Plant, and the Enforcers are helpless to stop him.

Chance: Got it, Ms. Briggs, we’re on our way!

T-Bone: Razor, tell the truth. Did you really eat that last mongo pepper?

Razor: Aw, T-Bone, I can’t believe you’d even ask me that. I can still feel the afterburn.

T-Bone: No doubt about it, Razor. You are one macho kat.

Razor: Ain’t it the truth?

Feral: The SWAT Kats! What are they doing here?

Callie: Your job, Feral.

T-Bone: So, Dark Kat’s back. Well he won’t get away from us this time!

Razor: Good morning, Dark Kat, this is your wakeup call!

T-Bone: Razor, those Baby Boomer Missiles didn’t make a dent!

Razor: There must be some kind of a forcefield surrounding the ship. Since explosives don’t work, this could be the perfect time to try out my new Scrambler Missile.

T-Bone: Good idea. If one million megavolts can’t take out those shields, nothing will.

Ann: Don’t wimp out on me now, Al! Get in closer!

Al: It’s too dangerous, Annie!

Ann: For Kat’s Eye News? Come on! I wanna see Dark Kat’s expression when the SWAT Kats whip his tail! Whoa!

Al: Great kats! We’ve lost our main rotor! We’re goin’ down!

Act Two

T-Bone: We’re hit! Where’s that Scrambler Missile?

Razor: Jammed. That heat blast messed us up good. We’re sittin’ ducks!

T-Bone: No, we’re outta here!

Steel: Look, Commander. The SWAT Kats have failed!

Feral: Shut up, you idiot. This is no time to gloat.

Steel: Sorry, Commander, I just thought–

Feral: Don’t think, listen. The only way to stop Dark Kat is from inside that ship. I’m going to try to sneak in. I’ll take along a signal device, so you and the Enforcers can follow me.

Steel: Yes sir. It’s an inspired plan, sir.

Feral: No, it’s desperate and it’s stupid! But I’ve run out of options. Captain! I want you to throw everything you’ve got at Dark Kat on my order!

Enforcer Captain: Yes sir!

Feral: If I don’t come back, you’re in command, Lieutenant.

Steel: I’m hardly worthy, Commander.

Feral: You can say that again. Fire!

Callie: Where’s Feral?

Steel: He left, and I’m in charge. Lieutenant Commander Steel, that’s with two Es.

Feral: Steel, I’m on Dark Kat’s ship. Set up tracers while try to stop him.

Steel: Yes sir. Good luck, sir. And break a leg…

T-Bone: That Dark Kat’s never brought us anything but bad luck.

Razor: Well it could’ve been worse. He almost hit our fuel tanks.

T-Bone: We’re here, Ms. Briggs, repairing the Turbokat.

Callie: Well you’d better hurry. Dark Kat escaped with some nuclear fuel rods, and Feral sneaked aboard to stop him!

T-Bone: Feral?

Feral: Steel, this is Feral. Are you following my signal?

Steel: I’m sorry, sir, but we haven’t had a chance to scramble any jets yet. Uh, mechanical problems.

Feral: What are you saying, Steel? Where’s my backup?

Steel: Be patient, sir. We’ll be there as soon as possible. … But not too soon.

Feral: He hung up on me! The little creep hung up on me!

Dark Kat: It’s about time you said hello, Commander. I imagine it was getting rather chilly in the cargo bay.

Feral: You’re too late, Dark Kat! The Enforcers are right behind me!

Dark Kat: You’re referring to the signal this communicator is sending, I assume. Well let your men come! By the time they arrive, Megakat City will be in ruins! Welcome aboard the Doomsday Express, Commander! Enjoy the ride!

Razor: This is all too weird, Chance. I mean Dark Kat, Feral, it’s like deja vu.

T-Bone: Deja who? What do you mean?

Razor: I mean not only are we going after Dark Kat, but we also have to save Feral’s tail. Do you remember what he did to us that day?

T-Bone: Remember? How could I ever forget?

Enforcer Pilot #1: Chance, Jake, let him go! It’s too dangerous!

Chance: Negative. We’re bringing Dark Kat in. You guys get yourselves some donuts.

Enforcer Pilot #2: You two are nuts! We’re breakin’ off pursuit!

Chance: Roger that, leave it to us. We’ll bring this psycho in if it kills us.

Dark Kat: Now I’ll destroy the justice machine that protects Megakat City!

Jake: Chance, he’s locking missiles on the new Enforcer building!

Chance: Then we gotta nail him now, Jake!

Jake: No problemo! Missile deployed!

Dark Kat: No! My missiles won’t fire!

Jake: Knocked out his weapons system! One more shot and Dark Kat is history!

Feral: This is Feral! Fall back, you two. I’ll handle Dark Kat.

Chance: Negative, Commander Feral, we already have our missiles locked! It’s our tag!

Feral: I’m ordering you to back off!

Chance: I repeat, sir, we’ve got a lock!

Jake: We’re outta the game, Chance. We gotta eject!

Feral: Huh? Dark Kat’s gone! All because of those two young hotshots!

Chance: Heck of a loss, Jake.

Jake: Monumental disaster, Chance.

Feral: I’m glad you both agree. Because this is the last act of vandalism you will ever perform on this city.

Chance: It was our tag, Commander! None f this would have happened if you hadn’t interferred, sir!

Feral: That’s it! You’re off the force! Both of you!

Chance and Jake: Suits us!

Chance: Who needs this crud anyway?

Feral: Just a minute. I said you’re off the force, but not off the hook. There’s still the matter of paying for this building, and that’s what you two are going to be doing for a long, long time.

Murray: Hey look, Burke. it’s those two hotshots who wrecked the new Enforcer building.

Burke: Don’t look so hot, now, do they? Hey, Feral says you guys gotta run the salvage yard, ’till you pay back every penny it costs to rebuild the Enforcer building.

Murray: Yeah, and at your present salary, it’ll only take a thousand years!

Burke: Take care of the place, now, boys!

Murray: We’ll be checkin’ up on ya!

Chance: This can’t be happening! We’re pilots, not junkmen!

Jake: Hey, y’know Chance, there’s enough military salvage here to build our own jet.

Chance: And do what?

Jake: Get back in the air and get back at Dark Kat! And all the other criminal scum who rear their ugly heads in Megakat City. Only this time, we do it our way!

Chance: Well, what are we waitin’ for, buddy?

T-Bone: Time to take care of Dark Kat! And this time, we do it our way!

Dark Kat: My Doomsday Device is nearly complete, Commander. The nuclear fuel rods I just stole are the last components I require. In less than on hour, I will destroy Megakat City! And from its ashes I will create a new city, where lawlessness is the law of the land! Dark Kat City!

Razor: Feral’s signal is coming from inside that volcano, T-Bone.

T-Bone: Inside? You sure?

Razor: No doubt about it. Swing around. Maybe the X-Ray Beam will show us a way in. The volcano’s honeycombed with passages, but no real entrance.

T-Bone: Guess we’ll just have to make our own door, huh?

Razor: Affirmative. Realeasing Mole Missile, now! Bingo! We’re in!

T-Bone: Time to settle up with Dark Kat.

Dark Kat: Careful, my Creeplings. We don’t want any accidents. The SWAT Kats! You didn’t mention they were joining the party, Commander.

Razor: The signal’s coming in strong. Dark Kat should be dead ahead!

Act Three

Dark Kat: Watch this, Commander. The SWAT Kats are about to discover that tunnel offers no escape!

Razor: T-Bone!

T-Bone: I know, I know! What do you want me to do, stop?!

Dark Kat: So much for the SWAT Kats. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Doomsday!

T-Bone: The Glovatrix. Don’t leave base without it.

Razor: Roger that.

Dark Kat: Now sit there and be quiet. This won’t take much longer.

T-Bone: Heads up, Dark Crud!

Dark Kat: Too late! My bomb is armed! Game’s over!

Razor: T-Bone!

Dark Kat: Nevermind me! Load the bomb!

Razor: T-Bone!

T-Bone: Hey, what too ya so long? Dark Kat is getting away!

Feral: We have to stop him!

T-Bone: What do you mean, “we?”

Razor: Looks like you won’t be needing a ride, Feral.

Steel: Commander Feral, you’re okay?

Feral: Lights against you all the way, Steel?

Steel: Uh, sorry, sir, we had trouble getting organized-

Feral: Mister, you don’t know what trouble is. But I’m going to introduce you to some!

Steel: Bit sir…

Steel: I’m not really trained for this.

Feral: You want my job, greenhorn? This is how you learn it.

Dark Kat: Today will become the blackest day in Megakat City’s history.

T-Bone: We’re too late! He’s ready to unload!

Razor: It’s not over ’till the fat kat sings!

Dark Kat: And now, it’s doomsday time. Why won’t the bomb release? It’s one of those meddling SWAT Kats! Take care of him! Your luck just ran out!

T-Bone: Holy kats!

Dark Kat: Megakat City is history, my Creeplings!

T-Bone: Razor, jump! I’ll blast the bomb as soon as you’re free!

Razor: No can do, T-Bone. It’ll explode for sure and destroy the city. I’ve gotta try to disarm this baby right now, or we’re all goners anyway.

T-Bone: Any lasts requests, buddy? Just in case.

Razor: Yeah. Get Dark Kat! Just remember, always cut the red wire. Aw, Dark Kat, you miserable psycho!

Dark Kat: Will I never be rid of those infernal SWAT Kats?

T-Bone: Switching to auxillary weapons panel. This is for you, Razor. Guide my hand, sure-shot. Dark Kat, I am takin’ you down!

Dark Kat: No! My shields have short-circuited!

T-Bone: Say goodnight, Dark Kat!

Feral: Back off, SWAT Kat! The Enforcers will handle this!

T-Bone: You back off, Feral! It’s my tag!

Feral: Steel, return fire!

Steel: I, I don’t have any experience in this, sir. I’ve never been in an actual air fight! I think I’m gonna be sick!

Feral: And you wanted my job…?

Razor: This has gotta be the right wire. Well, I’ll soon find out. Bingo.

Feral: Out of the way, SWAT Kat! I’m taking Dark Kat personally!

T-Bone: Deja vu city! But he’s not crowdin’ me out this time! This one’s for you, Razor! Too bad Razor wasn’t here to see it.

Razor: Hey, T-Bone, how’s it going up there?

T-Bone: Razor! Mission accomplished. And I guess you must’ve stopped the bomb from wreckin’ the city.

Razor: Basically, yeah, but, uh, you better pick me up at Enforcer Headquarters, before Feral comes back and sticks us with another bill.

T-Bone: On my way.

Contributed By
FelonyFelony

Episode Transcripts

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