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Contributed By
Craig RohloffCraig Rohloff

Written by Lance Falk, from a concept by Christian & Yvon Tremblay

Transcript by Craig Rohloff

Cast:

  • Chance Furlong/T-Bone – Charles Adler
  • Jake Clawson/Razor – Barry Gordon
  • Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille
  • Commander Feral – Gary Owens
  • Felina Feral – Lori Alan
  • Mayor Manx – Jim Cummings

Guest Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Mutilor – Michael Dorn
  • Traag – Christopher Smith
  • Captain Grimalken – Michael Bell
  • Sahavi Alien – Michael Bell

Supporting Cast (in order of appearance):

  • Heidi – Tress MacNeille
  • Mario – Charles Adler
  • Lifeguard – Jim Cummings
  • Little Boy – Tress MacNeille
  • Surfer #1 – Charles Adler
  • Sgt. Talon – Jim Cummings
  • Enforcer Pilot – Charles Adler
  • Alien Guard – Charles Adler
  • Alien Guard Captain – Jim Cummings

Act One

Mutilor: So much water… it’s perfect. (laughs)

Chance: Jake, you’ve been tinkering with these thrusters for days now. Are we ever going to get the new Turbokat in the air?

Jake: Hey, buddy, the Speed of Heat turbine enhancement isn’t just your everyday tune-up.

Chance: So what’s it do?

Jake: If you thought the Turbokat was fast before, wait’ll this baby is operational.

Chance: I can hardly wait to test it!

Jake: Hold your horses, Chance. This baby won’t be ready for two weeks, at least.

Chance: (embarassed) Oops.

Jake: Aw! Now I’ve gotta buff out another ding!

Heidi: (serving ball) Uh!

Mario: I got it! (Distracted by something overhead, he gets hit in head by volleyball.) Oh!

All: (gasp) What’s that? What is it?

Lifeguard: (falls from chair) Augh!

Little Boy: (pointing upward) Look!

Surfer: Whoa! (wipes out)

Mutilor (laughs maniacally)

Surfer: (points to jets approaching from Megakat City) All right, dude! Enforcers!

Cmdr. Feral: This is Commander Feral. Cease your operation immediately.

Felina: You don’t really think that thing’s going to turn tail and slink away, do you, Uncle?

Cmdr. Feral: Just giving them fair warning, Felina. Squadron, move in!

Traag: My Lord Mutilor, their squadron leader is attempting contact. He calls himself a “Feral.”

Mutilor: Well, Traag, let us greet them in the tradition of brotherhood and galactic peace.

Felina: Incoming fighters! I count at least twenty.

Cmdr. Feral: Squadron, engage!

Felina: One down, nineteen to go…

Cmdr. Feral: (voice over) Don’t get cocky, Lieutenant. Watch your tail!

Felina: Thanks, Uncle.

Cmdr. Feral: Don’t thank me yet; we’re still outnumbered. What?!

Felina: This is Lieutenant Feral. I’m—(control panel short circuits) Oh, crud! Radio’s out.

Cmdr. Feral: There’s too many of them. This is Feral. Return to base!

Felina: (removes helmet) Augh! (punches shorted-out controls) Guess I’m on my own.

Mutilor: Look, Traag, the cowards are retreating. Now we can resume draining this moirture-rich world.

Traag: The desert planet Sahavi will pay handsomely for the water we steal this day. Heh, heh.

Mutilor: Ha, ha! And if this world perishes in the process, it’s just business. (laughs)

Chance: The Enforcers have taken their best shot, buddy.

Jake: Yeah, looks like it’s up to us.

Chance: But we don’t have our jet.

Felina: I may be down, but I’m not out. Eat bazooka, you space scum! Aaah! (gasps) The SWAT Kats!

T-Bone: Here they come, Razor, ready to rock and roll.

Razor: Thunder Truck locked and loaded.

T-Bone: Hang on!

Razor: What was that?

T-Bone: Don’t look now, but that big mothership wants to play ‘Dodge the Laser.’

Mutilor: Heh, heh. Is this the greatest challenge this puny planet can offer me? Time to fry these insects!

Act Two

Mutilor: An interesting diversion, Traag. Now, back to business.

T-Bone: Scratch one Thunder Truck.

Razor: Yeah. Now we’re really going to need the Turbokat to handle those water pirates.

T-Bone: If we get it airborne in time.

Razor: If we don’t, Megakat City’s gonna be bone dry.

Traag: This world didn’t offer much resistance, Lord Mutilor.

Mutilor: Heh! No. And we owe its destruction to these peace-loving Aquians.

Grimalkin: Return my ship at once, Mutilor!

Mutilor: This vessel serves me now, Grimalkin.

Grimalkin: Only because you stole it from me and my crew, you pirate!

Traag: Watch your tongue, insolent one!

Mutilor: He’s right, Traag, we are pirates. (laughs) And with this ship, I’m going to drain every drop of water from this world before its sun sets!

Felina: Freeze! You have the right to remain… (notices pilot is slumped unconcsious over controls) …silent?

Razor: We coulda used another week to get these systems operational.

T-Bone: We’ll be lucky if we have another hour!

Manx: What’re we goin’ ta do, Callie? The city’s water supply is gone. Where are the SWAT Kats? (blubbers)

Callie: I don’t know, Mayor Manx, but I’m sure they have a plan. Excuse me. Razor, T-Bone, where are you?

T-Bone: It’s Callie.

Razor: Can’t stop now; we’re almost there.

Sgt. Talon: I’m sorry, Sir. Lieutenant Feral’s craft was completely destroyed. They only found a bazooka.

Cmdr. Feral: Felina… Rrrrr! Let’s kick those aliens out of our atmosphere!

Traag: It won’t be long now, Lord Mutilor. This world is nearly drained.

Mutilor: Excellent, Traag. Now, let’s contact the Saharbis to arrange—(alarm interrupts him) What?!

Traag: Incoming attack craft!

Mutilor: Put it on the screen.

Traag: I thought we destroyed those two!

Mutilor: Well, well. Looks like someone on this pathetic planet has claws after all. But they will be clipped. Deploy Marauders!

T-Bone: She’s handling better than ever, buddy. Let’s just hope that you can handle them.

Razor: I’m ready for ‘em.

Razor: Activating smoke screen… now!

T-Bone: Yes! Three down, seven to go. [There are actually nine Marauders left at this point.]

Razor: I can improve those odds. Drop Tops… deploy! Crud! Looks like we got our first ding. Oh, that makes me mad! Matchhead Missiles… deploy!

Traag: That’s our entire squadron! Sensors detect more fighters approaching.

Viewer shows thirteen Enforcer jets joining Turbokat.

Mutilor: Pull this ship to a higher altitude. We can finish operations beyond the range of these… pests.

Razor: T-Bone, they’re getting away. Step on it!

T-Bone: She’s maxed out, buddy.

Razor: Unless you try the Speed of Heat.

T-Bone: I thought it needed more fine-tuning.

Razor: There’s only one way to find out.

T-Bone: Alright. Hang on!

Enforcer Pilot: Commander, they’re moving out of range. There’s no way we can follow to that altitude!

Cmdr. Feral: But somehow, the SWAT Kats are. (to self) Guess it’s up to them now…

Traag: They’re giving up. Excellent move, Lord Mutilor. We’re receiving a transmission… must be the Sahavi.

Sahavi Alien: Congratulations, Mutilor. I hear you have water for us.

Mutilor: Yes, if the price is right.

T-Bone: I hope we don’t come apart before we get there.

Razor: Just worry about your landing. I don’t want to have to rebuild this jet again! Don’t cough up a hairball, Razor. See, what’d I tell you? We made it without a scratch.

Razor: Oh, I wish you hadn’t said that…

Act Three

T-Bone: Let’s take ‘em, Razor!

Razor: Activate shields. Catch!

Alien Guard: (catching smoke grenade) Uh?!

T-Bone: Come on! We’ve gotta find the control room on this ship and get our water back.

Alien Guard Captain: (coughs twice) Those Kat pilots are here. (coughs once) They just took out my best unit!

Mutilor: Traag! (picks Traag up) How did those intruders get aboard?

Traag: I… I don’t know, your maj–

Mutilor: Just find them… and destroy them!

Traag: I-it shall be done, Lord Mutilor! (Mutilor drops Traag) Oof.

Mutilor: Those two will be sorry they ever set their tails on my ship.

Razor: Looks like the coast is clear. Oops.

T-Bone: Deploy mini-Tarpedoes!

Aliens: Augh!

T-Bone: Now, tell us how to get to the control room.

Aliens: (muffled by tar) Mmm… mmph!

Grimalkin: (voice over) Maybe I can help you.

Razor: Who are you?

Grimalkin: Captain Grimalkin. This ship really belongs to me and my crew, but Mutilor and his space pirates stole it and imprisoned us.

T-Bone: Sounds like we could help each other. Stand back. We’re gettin’ you outa there!

Razor: Amazing! I can’t believe all of our water can fit in this ship.

Grimalkin: Yes, our advanced technology enables us to condense your planet’s water for intra-galactic transport. Come, the bridge is this way. From there you can reverse the process… if you’re not too late. We would help, but combat is not our way, warrior.

T-Bone: Hey, I can respect that, but we’ve got to get your ship out of Mutilor’s hands. He’s destroying our world!

Grimalkin: Perhaps you’re right, but we will not help you fight.

Razor: Suit yourselves. Just point the way to this Mutilor; we SWAT Kats will deal with him.

Mutilor: (voice over) You’re welcome to try, SWAT Kats! (laughs) So much for your brave Aquian allies! My guards will round them up presently. You two are a different matter. I’m almost sorry you won’t live to see me drain your planet dry as a bone.

Mutilor: So much for those feline pests. Traag! Prepare course for Zarhabi. We have a rich cargo to sell.

Traag: With pleasure, Lord Mutilor. Mmm, ha, ha!

Manx: (voice over) Callie, there’s nothing left.

Callie: (voice over) I know, Mayor.

The chopper flies over a few beached cargo ships & tankers.

Callie: (voice over) Without water, our planet is doomed.

Traag: Course set, Lord Mutilor.

Mutilor: Begin liftoff.

T-Bone: (voice over) Not so fast, gruesome!

Mutilor: What?! How can this be?

Razor: Haven’t you heard of oxygen masks?

Mutilor: Finish them! Attack! All of you!

SWAT Kats: Oof.

Mutilor: Heh, hmm, hmm… It was so refreshing to clash with true warriors. It’s a shame I must destroy you. I will make your demise painful, but quick.

SWAT Kats: Ugh! Augh!

A Marauder suddenly crashes through the wall into the deck.

Mutilor: Ooooh!

Razor: (incredulously) What the…?

T-Bone: Lieutenant Feral!

Felina: Sorry I took so long; I’m not used to flying a saucer. Did I miss the party?

T-Bone: (standing up) Nope! It’s just getting warmed up.

Razor: Where’s Mutilor?

Mutilor: You fools have cost me a fortune! I will knock you from the sky and destroy all of you!

Razor: What’s he got up his sleeves?

Grimalkin: He’s going to destroy the ship’s anti-gravity drives. We’ll drop like a huge asteroid.

Razor: The biggest one ever. Our whole planet will probably bust up!

T-Bone: Come on! Looks like Felina and the Aquians can handle things here.

T-Bone: Where’s that four-armed creep?

Razor: If I were Mutilor, I’d strike from as far away as possible, ‘cause when this mothership hits, our atmosphere is gonna go ka-blooey!

T-Bone: I hear ya. Switching to sub-orbital mode, now!

Mutilor: What?! How many lives do these Kats have?

T-Bone: Razor! You’ve gotta put that mega-beam laser out of commission, before he takes us apart.

Razor: I’m workin’ on it.

T-Bone: You’re gonna have to do better than that, buddy…

Razor: Move in closer.

T-Bone: You’ve got it!

Mutilor: Nice try, SWAT Kats, but you missed.

Razor: That’s what he thinks…

Mutilor: Now, you can watch as I destroy the ship, and your world. (laughs)

T-Bone: Great shot, buddy!

Razor: Lousy shot… I’ll be buffing out the dings for weeks!

Grimalkin: (voice over) Your planet’s water will soon be fully restored.

T-Bone: Thanks, Grimalkin.

Grimalkin: No, it is we Aquians who should thank you, for giving us back our ship. But perhaps we can repay part of our debt. Come.

Felina & the SWAT Kats: Wow!

Grimalkin: Just a little high-speed space technology.

T-Bone: So, Lieutenant, want a ride in our new jet?

Felina: Love to.

Razor: (voice over) C’mon, T-Bone, watch it, will ya? The paint’s still wet.

T-Bone: (voice over) Relax, buddy. Just giving it a little space-age car wash!

(Closing Credits)

Contributed By
Craig RohloffCraig Rohloff

Episode Transcripts

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