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Assault on Megakat Biochemical

Assault - The Giant Bacteria Reviewed
Contributed By
KooshmeisterKooshmeister

Cut to Megakat Biochemical, with the two remaining bacteria monsters approaching it. It’s a big, fortress-like building surrounded by a perimeter of artilerry cannons (!).

Inside, we find Callie, Feral and Feral’s pilot talking to Dr. N. Zyme (Paul Eiding). Mayor Manx is nowhere to be seen, oddly. N. Zyme is a wiry cat with curly red hair who appears to be the scientist in charge of the place, and the owner of one of this show’s silliest name puns. He identifies the purple monsters as “giant bacteria” a little too easily, but I’ll cut him some slack since he’s a scientist and therefore is a little more knowledgable about these kinds of things than Razor is. Anyway, he reveals he intends to use “the most powerful antibiotics known” against the creatures, showing a test tube filled with an orange-ish liquid.

Callie, meanwhile, spots the remaining two bacteria monsters approaching through the lab’s ridiculously huge front windows (see what I mean about them continuing to arrive over and over?), and says his plan had better work. Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, one of the monsters now has two eyes again…. Dr. Zyme comes over and assures her, “These windows are practically indestructible!” and bang his fist on the glass for emphasis. Oh, that’s so going to come back and bite him in the ass…

Outside, the monsters arrive and are immediately fired upon by the artillery cannons. I guess no one passed on “don’t shoot them” message to the folks at Megakat Biochemical. Not that it matters, as the shells the cannons fire are too small and just pass harmlessly through their soft bodies. The germs promptly smash the huge guns to pieces, which is Dr. Viper’s cue to emerge from a manhole in the street and just waltz on into the building, because these guns seem to be the main defenses of the lab. Impenetrable, huh? More like “ludicrously easy to get into.”

And, on a side note, if there’s a sewer entrance right there in front of the labs, why didn’t Dr. Viper have the first bacteria monster come out of that instead of the one at the park? I’d think that’d make his work a lot easier, but then he’d win, and the bad guy can’t win. Still, it bugs me.

Mayor for Ten Terms

Assault - The Giant Bacteria Reviewed

On the roof, Dr. Zyme loads what looks like a giant hypodermic needle onto Feral’s chopper, filled with the same orange liquid seen in the test tube a minute ago – the antibiotics, obviously.

Before he takes off, Mayor Manx comes running up and demands to come along, too, and starts struggling to climb into the chopper. Disgusted, Feral tells the Mayor he’s a coward. Manx, finally managing to pull himself aboard, replies, “You don’t get to be Mayor for ten terms without bein’ cautious!” as the chopper takes off. Rather than wondering where Manx has been up until now, I’m wondering how he has remained the Mayor for so long. Either the voters in Megakat City are really stupid, or nobody else wants the job (as we’ll see in subsequent episodes, Manx, due to his position, is a favorite target for villains).

And here come the SWAT Kats! Where have they been? I guess they went back to the hangar and got some weapons that’ll actually work against the giant germs, although so far they haven’t actually done anything except fly around and get chased by the them. Razor targets the one-eyed bacteria monster and fires this episode’s third ridiculous, improbably missile in the form of a “Megavolt Missile.”

As with most of their other missiles, it looks like a normal missile until the casing breaks away in midair to reveal an electrical motorman. The one-eyed bacteria monster catches this in its mouth and swallows it, but nothing happens. When T-Bone points this out to Razor, he’s told to “Give it time.” On cue, the germ suddenly starts convulsing as electrical bolts appear all over its body (considerably better animated than the ones in the subway), and then explodes from the inside-out and is reduced to a pile of flaming brown, well, crap.

Arrogant Fools

Assault - The Giant Bacteria Reviewed

Observing this from the chopper, Manx gushes that “The SWAT Kats took care of that one, Feral!” Feral, probably feeling really underappreciated at this point, promises the Mayor he’ll get the final monster. Although he and Manx (and Callie) should be wondering where the third creature is, I should think.

Anyway the remaining beastie walks over to the front of the lab and peers in at Dr. Zyme and Callie through the window, and then turns to look at Feral’s chopper, and–Hey, wait a second, now this one has only one eye, too! Gah!!! This whole mix-up with the eyes is made even more baffling when one knows that the model sheets for these creatures stresses the fact that “monster size and eye number vary – check your (story)board!”

Feral launches the giant hypo at it like a missile, and the monster catches it in its mouth and eats it, then starts turning a brownish-grey and drying up into a desiccated husk. “Got ‘im!” yells Feral. Zyme, looking on from inside the lab with Callie, cheers, “It worked!” Cue Dr. Viper to appear inside the lab with them and rain on everybody’s parade. He calls Zyme an “arrogant fool,” and explains that his bacteria monsters are immune to antibiotics.

Uh, if it’s immune then why did the antibodies actually start working? Outside, the “shell” around the bacteria monster starts to crumble away, but Zyme and Callie don’t notice, and, hell, they look pretty subdued in Viper’s presence. Callie in particular is smiling for some reason.

Indestructable Windows

Assault - The Giant Bacteria Reviewed

What follows is possibly the worst excuse for a monster attack in the entire series.

See if you can follow me. So, Zyme and Callie are standing there, and Callie sees the monster’s big gooey hand coming up at them, but doesn’t bother to, like, warn Dr. Zyme or anything. The hand then barely nudges the glass and shatters it completely (!!!). Callie actually has the sense to turn and run, while Zyme just stands there and goes “Aaaahhhh!” as the monster’s hand starts to come down over him, and then we suddenly cut to an outside view of the building and the monster, now with two eyes again (!!!!) appears to get distracted by Feral’s chopper, and turns and makes an unsuccessful attempt to grab it.

Okay, so, um, there’s a number of issues I have with this attack. For starters, the attack shouldn’t have even happened. When shot and momentarily “petrified,” the bacteria monster was facing away from the lab, so having it just arbitrarily turn and smash the glass for no reason was really dumb. Then of course there’s the issue with the glass breaking so easily, when the monster’s hand barely even pokes it (“practically indestructible” my left foot!), and finally there’s the way Zyme and Callie behave. Callie doesn’t shout a warning of any kind, and Zyme just standing there and screaming instead of joining her in running away is the stupidest part of all.

There’s also some confusion as to whether or not Zyme died here. This has been something of a minor controversy among fans. Most sources tend to write him off as dead, and in an episode that’s already racked up quite a body count I wouldn’t put it past them, but why else would we be shown the otherwise pointless shot of the monster getting distracted by Feral’s chopper if we weren’t meant to infer that Zyme escaped? Regardless, he’s never seen again in the episode after this and just completely disappears. Whatever.

Observing, the SWAT Kats realize that it’s up to them to dispose of the final germ. T-Bone tells Razor to launch another Megavolt Missile. Unfortunately, Razor has bad news: He’s “one short.” One short?! That means he only had one to begin with, despite knowing when they set out that there was more than one bacteria monster! And similarly, why the hell was Feral only given one dose of the antibiotics? Man, this episode just really goes downhill in the last five minutes.

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